Tag: Flawless Consulting 1

Are You Consulting Without a Safety Net?

Posted on by Maya Mehta

What if we worked with clients in ways that could better leverage our expertise, foster trust sooner, galvanize stronger commitment, and make consulting more rewarding? I find these outcomes more likely occur when I weave a safety net in asking clients for what I want and voice them during contracting conversations:

  • I want you to, at any time, talk with me about how we are working together. This simple yet powerful statement opens the choice for clients to speak authentically about what is important to them and what challenges they face—affirming that my relationship with the client is fundamental to solving the problem. I’m now on the hook for asking clients about their doubts and concerns, naming their resistance, ensuring they feel seen and heard, and expressing what they are doing that is useful to me.
  • I want you to talk to me first, before talking to my boss. Waste of time and erosion of trust occur when we go around instead of directly to sources. With a client’s agreement to #1 above, it makes sense that I be the one talked to first. I always explain that if they go to my boss about something I should hear, my boss will ask, “Have you talked to JP about this?” because my boss and I have made this same agreement.
  • I want you to make the decision when others on this project come to a standstill/impasse. In every project I’ve been a part of, people have gotten stuck. When that happens, this agreement reminds clients that the decision to get unstuck is theirs to make.
  • I want you to agree that I will conduct my own discovery to gain a clear picture of what’s going on. My unique value to the client is my ability to see clearly how the problem is being managed. Without my independent perspective of the underlying dimensions of the problem, I’m left solving only the technical/business aspect of the problem—the presenting problem. The resolution of the real problem requires a change in thinking and action on the part of the client. By looking at the problem in a way that the client can’t, I’m able to identify the impact that goals, processes, and relationships have on the problem—how they keep the presenting problem from being solved. Without this agreement, clients have every right to assume I’ll skip the Discovery and Feedback Phases and move directly into Implementation.  
  • I want you to consider what role you need to play to bring about desired changes and how you may be contributing to the problem. This underscores why solving the presenting problem is not enough and invites our shared exploration. By encouraging early ownership and commitment, this minimizes surprises during feedback and points to what clients have the most control over. Rather than solving problems for clients, I set myself up to help clients solve problems themselves.

What I want from clients above stems from my consulting experiences and lessons learned. (Even today, what is challenging in a relationship can be attributed to what I have not asked for.) Although each relationship and project is unique, I voice this set during every contracting conversation to mitigate what I don’t want. These are in the interest of making sure the project is successful—not to satisfy my own personal whims and wishes. What would it sound like to state clearly and simply what you want from a client?

As humans, our reactions are strongly influenced by the environment we inhabit, and the same holds true for our clients. Without a safety net, we risk doing to the client as an expert or doing for the client as a pair of hands. What’s possible when, as Flawless Consultants, our decisions are grounded in the security of our safety net? By fostering an environment of relatedness and connection, we offer insurance for working with our clients, allowing our expertise to shine. What does your safety net of wants look like?

Article by JP Tier

5 Reasons Why Consulting Is Always a Choice

Posted on by Maya Mehta

“What if someone finds out I’m not supposed to be here?!” my inner voice whispered during my first Flawless Consulting workshop. Even my job title as a consultant couldn’t convince me I belonged. The problem was that I judged my value based on others’ perceptions rather than my own. If your inner imposter insists, “I’m not a consultant,” consider these choices:

1. Be Authentic

Put into words what you are experiencing in alignment with what you value. Being authentic with a client who has solutions of their own and expects you to follow their instructions may sound like, “I’m reluctant to support a solution when I’ve not been personally involved in the diagnosis of the problem.” This simple direct statement rebalances the consultant-client relationship.

2. Be Compassionate

Assume good intentions and give clients the benefit of the doubt. Acknowledge that what the client is doing makes perfect sense to them. Care about their feelings. Instead of standing across from a client whose lack of commitment stems from concerns of losing control and getting hurt, stand with them: “Starting a project like this takes some risks on your part, and I appreciate your willingness to take that risk with me.”

3. Exchange Wants

Elicit the client’s expectations of you. Clearly and simply state what you want from the client. “What do you want from me? Here’s what I want from you.” This is in the interest of making sure the project is successful, as you cannot receive what you do not ask for. “I want you to consider what role you need to play to bring about desired changes and how you may be contributing to the problem.” This affirms that you trust yourself to know what is required for you to be successful and gives your client something to trust.

4. Be a Model for the Way You Want Things to Be

Whatever’s missing in a situation is that which you can provide. You go first! Our hope that others will learn and change is best realized through our behaviors of what’s possible. “What concerns do you have about our working together?” “Here’s what you’ve done that has been useful…” This tells our clients it’s okay to show us their warts and wrinkles and teaches them how to work with us.

5. Help Clients Solve Problems Themselves

Instead of solving problems for clients, apply your special skills to help clients solve problems themselves. The distinction is significant. Differentiate between the presenting problem and the underlying problem by understanding how the problem is being managed. Help clients make good decisions by focusing on where they have the most influence – themselves! Enable them to discover the extent of choice and freedom in their lives that they didn’t know they had.

If you’re still unsure if consulting is what you do, consider that every time you give advice to someone who is in the position to make the choice, you are consulting. Being a consultant depends less on your title and more on your choices. As consultants, we often feel choiceless. By opting for humanity in the “flawless” choices above, we enhance our influence and leverage our expertise. How’s that for experiencing more choice?!

Article by JP Tier

Want to learn more about Flawless Consulting? Sign up for our virtual and in-person workshops or get a copy of the book today.

What are you agreeing to?

Posted on by Maya Mehta

What are you agreeing to? As an internal consultant, I often hear messages embedded within the culture and hierarchy of the organization about how my work should be conducted. Pressure to be strategic in relationships, speak in an indirect way, and ignore what I’m experiencing at the moment. Those things define my dilemma. Mandates to “never say no” and expectations to convert difficult clients make internal consulting a high-risk endeavor. What I agree to can limit my expertise getting use. It also could amplify the possibility my consulting will be of lasting service.

“We need to run this like a business!”

This statement presumes more control, oversight, and predictability is what is needed. Agreeing to be controlled by this false safety that dehumanizes the culture in the workforce overlooks the most important element of this statement: We! The route to genuine change is less obvious than a list and some milestones. More prescription is what ensures tomorrow will be no more different than yesterday. Relationship is the delivery system of anything we’re looking to accomplish. Agreeing to answer, “What will people do differently because of anything we do together?” invites an exploration of answers that establishes a collaborative relationship and builds client commitment.

“The traditional sense of consulting is not what is needed here.”

As internal consultants, we’re often handed something someone else has started. In response to my want to have a more collaborative partnership with a client, my boss conveyed, “The traditional sense of consulting is not what is needed here.” Ah! The importance of making agreements with the client and my boss within a triangular contract. It is easier for me to agree to do the bidding of my boss as a pair of hands or as an expert. It is better for me to agree to our exchange of what we want of each other. A workable agreement between me and my boss is crucial to a successful client agreement. Just because being collaborative may not always be possible is not a reason to avoid authentically expressing in words what I want to get my expertise used. What future agreements could my boss learn to make with clients through agreements I make with her?

“This client likes to think they are special and is known for getting whatever they want.”

While facilitating a request for my team’s services, a relationship manager cautioned, “This client likes to think they are special and is known for getting whatever they want.” By agreeing to this, I’m confronted with how I am creating the world I’m living in. How might the client work within agreements where consultants have not directly expressed what they want? Could my belief in, and worse, retelling of stories about ogres and angels be contributing to the problem? Could it be prohibiting my expertise from being used? I can agree to look beyond my heroic wish to be all-powerful and successful, reflected in my own concerns of relevance, competence, and self-esteem. Also, I agree to see what is human about clients. I agree to acknowledge how they have similar concerns about losing control, becoming vulnerable, and making a commitment.

We can agree to identify the high self-trust choices we all have as internal consultants. Agree to be ourselves or agree to conform to the expectations we think others have of us. We can agree to play roles and adopt internally alien behavior. Agree to represent some loss of ourselves or agree to present information as simply, directly, and assertively as possible. We can agree to recycle familiar messages or agree to engage people together in a conversation they didn’t expect to have. We can agree not to collude and instead embark on a high-adventure path, operating in a realm of greater risk and reward while still earning the respect and appreciation of our clients, where we give up some safety in service of increased power, impact, and influence.

By JP Tier

Tips for Getting Real on What’s Really Happening at Work

Posted on by Maya Mehta

In the past month, life for most of us has changed. Plans have been disrupted and work looks very different. We may be working from home—or we may not be working at all, furloughed or laid-off from our organizations. There is uncertainty and uncertainty fuels anxiety.

In organizations around the world, leaders and managers are responsible for helping to minimize this anxiety with their workforce. It’s a global issue and certainly an issue of global proportions. After all, how do I as a leader in an organization help provide clarity, when I am living in these unparalleled and uncertain times as well?

The complexity of our times may prompt some to look for a complex answer to these challenges. However, the answer, in part, is fairly simple . . . just be real. In our Flawless Consulting workshops, we call it being authentic. Authenticity isn’t new, but how we leverage it in today’s challenging times may be the best new idea in what is a new time, in how we lead and manage in organizations.

In Peter Block’s book, The Empowered Manager: Positive Political Skills at Work, he outlines the four basic approaches we can take to be authentic in our interactions with others.

1. Say no when we mean no. Instead of hedging our position for fear of being disapproved of, we make it a point to let others know where we stand. Too many expectations are violated when we are reluctant to take a stand early on. If it’s something you can’t do, won’t do, or shouldn’t do, have the courage to say no and explain why.

2. Share as much information as possible. Let people know the organization’s plans, ideas, and changes as soon as possible. If there is something you can’t share, say so and explain why. In the absence of information, people will fill the void—and what they fill it with is often worse than the truth.

3. Use language that describes reality. Use language that describes the reality of what is happening, rather than hiding it behind corporate speak. Share it in a way that the message gets through. Tell people in unmistakable terms where you or the organization stand, and why you need to take the action you are taking.

4. Avoid repositioning for the sake of acceptance. No public relations in the rah-rah sense, no repositioning just for the sake of selling our story. People need to hear both sides of the story—our certainty and our doubt.

In times of uncertainty and change, people are likely to psychologically and even physically check out. For leaders and managers of organizations, there may be little room for critical players to check out, even for a little while. While the world works to get our global house in order, being authentic may be the most practical thing leaders and managers can do right now.

Beverly Crowell is an experienced facilitator, speaker, thought leader, and author specializing in the areas of business operations, organization, employee and human resources development.

In Defense of Being “Helpful”

Posted on by Maya Mehta

I want to write in defense of being helpful. And I want to distinguish it from rescue.

There have been times in working Flawless Consulting Workshops that I have heard being “helpful” disparaged a bit with a phrase like, “We don’t want to be helpful. We want to be useful.” Since we are in a “helping profession,” this has always rankled me just a bit.

The distinction I make is between helping and rescuing. Rescuing is part of what Stephen Karpman described as the “drama triangle” in the 1960s. It looks like this:

The emotional price for all involved in the triangle is anxiety, which is rarely helpful in any context. Since organizational development emerged to deal with the unintended consequences of industrialization, we as practitioners can get caught up in it.

If I view the client or “system” for which I am consulting as a persecutor, I run the risk of viewing some in the system as victims and want to rescue them. Sadly, this is a role I have taken on in the past when working internally for large systems. When I did, I was prone to lapse into cynical commentary like, “What’s the difference between [our company] and the Boy Scouts? The Boy Scouts have adult leadership.” That was neither endearing nor helpful. But I thought it was clever!

On an individual coaching basis, if I stay in the rescuer mode, I may not challenge the person with whom I’m working to deal with what they can choose to change. There is always something someone can do to improve their own circumstances. Reinforcing a feeling of powerlessness is not helpful.

Seeing situations as involving persecutors and victims reflects a mindset that leads to conversations that lack any sense of possibility. One way we can be helpful is to invite those with whom we work to see possibilities they either can’t or have chosen not to see on their own. It’s part of the “clear picture” we strive for in consulting flawlessly.

I have worked for—and with—bosses who are doing things that are ineffective, unproductive, and even damaging. I have yet to work for one that is intentionally doing that. This is where compassion comes into play. When I operate from the perspective that this person is doing the best job he knows how in this situation, I create a mindset for myself that lets me see more possibility to help the client self-discover more possibility for himself.

Early in my career, I worked with a colleague in Western Electric (then the manufacturing subsidiary of AT&T) who used the phrase, “God is in a helping relationship.” That stuck with me, and probably explains why I am troubled with phrases that disparage helping. The God I know wants us to learn and grow, and will not rescue us from our choices but rather help us learn from them. That’s the power behind the feedback statement model in Flawless Consulting that goes, “Chris, when you do ‘X,’ it has the following impact on your organization—and the result is ‘Y.’”’ To my frame of reference, that simple, direct statement is being helpful.

Later, in another part of AT&T, I encountered Robert Greenleaf’s work on servant leadership. The “servant” part of that phrase is sometimes misconstrued as connoting weakness or subservience. Greenleaf’s behavioral test of a servant leader is far more rigorous, “Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants? And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society? Will they benefit or at least not be further deprived?” This, in my view, could also be the test of a flawless consultant.

To do this, we must stay out of the “drama triangle.” How can we help vs. rescue? I think we can do this by presenting valid data and leaving the client free to decide, being open to the giftedness and possibility in each client and, as we teach in Flawless Consulting, letting go of our personal investment in the outcome.

Jeff has been affiliated with Designed Learning for more than 20 years.

Having held leadership positions in marketing, sales, organizational development, and HR, Jeff brings years of large-system experience in internal consulting to his work with Designed Learning. Jeff believes that when the human spirit thrives, organizations thrive as well.

When You Can’t Go Out, Go In

Posted on by Maya Mehta

Perhaps the earth has truly gone into “reset” mode due to the lockdown caused by the Coronavirus. Perhaps it is time for us to push the “pause” button and rethink how we have been living our professional and personal lives. Perhaps the “reset” mode and “pause” button are now compelling us to rethink the meaning and purpose of our relationships, both at home and at work.

While this lockdown is certainly a challenge, and most of the world has put strong restrictions on movement, there has been another not-so-tangible side to this lockdown. The slowdown on our physical movement is compelling us to look within ourselves. The long hours indoors and restrictions on going out has necessitated us going in. Going in and questioning ourselves; going in and becoming more aware of how we have been thinking; going in and asking ourselves, “Did this way of being get me where I wanted to be?”

The whole world is talking about the fact that at the end of this lockdown we shall wake up to a new world. What will this world look like? What will it ask of us? And what will we need to do to fit into this new order? Our home confinement is making us question the things we were running after, the quality of our relationships, and what we truly want from our lives.

The time has come for us to slow down and realign our lives so that we can flow smoothly in the future. We need to reconnect with our loved ones, friends, and professional associates as individuals with different human nuances—not just targets to be achieved or duties to be performed. We need to spend time getting to know each person and acknowledging the anxiety and vulnerability each one faces, including ourselves. We have to connect with ourselves so that we can connect with others.

How was our life as consultants before the virus compelled us to pause? What were we to pause for? What were we supposed to see? So many questions, so much confusion, and so much uncertainty. These questions and so many more get answered on their own when one understands and lives the philosophy of Flawless Consulting. It is the mantra for success in human relationships—a way of life applicable in both personal and professional life.

As consultants, we were constantly rushing to meet deadlines, grabbing the next order, pushing our way ahead, striving hard to impress the client with heavy content and verbose presentations, pushing our beliefs, trying to control people and decisions, and believing that others should do as we recommend because we know the best. Relationships were professional and impersonal and lasted only as long as they served the business purpose. Then suddenly, the “pause” button was pushed. Without realizing it, we are finding ourselves in a mode of self-questioning and self-enquiry. And we are asking ourselves: Were those deadlines realistic? Am I really the right person for that job? Do I really have all the answers? Does the client believe I have understood him/her? Can I push my solutions on to the client? Does the client really trust me?

With the last question, we take our awareness a notch further—a step deeper within ourselves: What do I need to do to make the client know he can trust me, feel I understand the real issue, and believe I will not let him down?

When we become aware of our own thoughts and feelings, and know with what kind of mindset we are entering a discussion—whether we want to be in control, just executing, or be a partner in a project—we become more secure within and know what we need to ask from the client to enable us to give our best to the task at hand. Awareness also makes us recognize resistance in a client so we don’t take it personally, and makes us acknowledge our own resistance, too.

The new world is going to be a slower paced world—a world with greater self-awareness, where relationships will have more depth and life will be more meaningful. Are we ready to align ourselves with this new world? It is quite amazing that Flawless Consulting has been sharing the value of this mindset for over four decades and its philosophy is even more relevant now than ever before.


We need to recognize that patterns are changing and we need to change, too. Not changing with the flow will only create resistance and make it painful for us. This sudden change of pace is making us rethink how we need to reset ourselves and our ways of thinking and operating. We need to build deeper connections with our associates, our families, and most importantly, ourselves.

“I think that when the dust settles, we will realize
how little we need, how very much we actually have,
and the true value of human connection.”

Perhaps the earth has truly gone into “reset” mode due to the lockdown caused by the Coronavirus. Perhaps it is time for us to push the “pause” button and rethink how we have been living our professional and personal lives. Perhaps the “reset” mode and “pause” button are now compelling us to rethink the meaning and purpose of our relationships, both at home and at work.

While this lockdown is certainly a challenge, and most of the world has put strong restrictions on movement, there has been another not-so-tangible side to this lockdown. The slowdown on our physical movement is compelling us to look within ourselves. The long hours indoors and restrictions on going out has necessitated us going in. Going in and questioning ourselves; going in and becoming more aware of how we have been thinking; going in and asking ourselves, “Did this way of being get me where I wanted to be?”

The whole world is talking about the fact that at the end of this lockdown we shall wake up to a new world. What will this world look like? What will it ask of us? And what will we need to do to fit into this new order? Our home confinement is making us question the things we were running after, the quality of our relationships, and what we truly want from our lives. The time has come for us to slow down and realign our lives so that we can flow smoothly in the future. We need to reconnect with our loved ones, friends, and professional associates as individuals with different human nuances—not just targets to be achieved or duties to be performed. We need to spend time getting to know each person and acknowledging the anxiety and vulnerability each one faces, including ourselves. We have to connect with ourselves so that we can connect with others.

How was our life as consultants before the virus compelled us to pause? What were we to pause for? What were we supposed to see? So many questions, so much confusion, and so much uncertainty. These questions and so many more get answered on their own when one understands and lives the philosophy of Flawless Consulting. It is the mantra for success in human relationships—a way of life applicable in both personal and professional life.

As consultants, we were constantly rushing to meet deadlines, grabbing the next order, pushing our way ahead, striving hard to impress the client with heavy content and verbose presentations, pushing our beliefs, trying to control people and decisions, and believing that others should do as we recommend because we know the best. Relationships were professional and impersonal and lasted only as long as they served the business purpose. Then suddenly, the “pause” button was pushed. Without realizing it, we are finding ourselves in a mode of self-questioning and self-enquiry. And we are asking ourselves: Were those deadlines realistic? Am I really the right person for that job? Do I really have all the answers? Does the client believe I have understood him/her? Can I push my solutions on to the client? Does the client really trust me?

With the last question, we take our awareness a notch further—a step deeper within ourselves: What do I need to do to make the client know he can trust me, feel I understand the real issue, and believe I will not let him down?

When we become aware of our own thoughts and feelings, and know with what kind of mindset we are entering a discussion—whether we want to be in control, just executing, or be a partner in a project—we become more secure within and know what we need to ask from the client to enable us to give our best to the task at hand. Awareness also makes us recognize resistance in a client so we don’t take it personally, and makes us acknowledge our own resistance, too.

The new world is going to be a slower paced world—a world with greater self-awareness, where relationships will have more depth and life will be more meaningful. Are we ready to align ourselves with this new world? It is quite amazing that Flawless Consulting has been sharing the value of this mindset for over four decades and its philosophy is even more relevant now than ever before.

We need to recognize that patterns are changing and we need to change, too. Not changing with the flow will only create resistance and make it painful for us. This sudden change of pace is making us rethink how we need to reset ourselves and our ways of thinking and operating. We need to build deeper connections with our associates, our families, and most importantly, ourselves.

“I think that when the dust settles, we will realize

how little we need, how very much we actually have,

and the true value of human connection.”

Simi Suri has been a consultant with Designed Learning since 2017. She has been an HR and business professional for over two decades, and has experience in both, corporate and entrepreneurial, worlds. She has been a corporate trainer, executive coach, instructional design consultant, communication specialist and behavioural scientist.

Developing an Assertive You for Consulting Win-Wins

Posted on by Maya Mehta

In high school, I remember a cheer we used to shout at basketball games. It went something like,

“B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E

Be Aggressive

Be, Be Aggressive!”

When your team is down by ten points, being aggressive may not be such a bad thing. In consultant/client relationships, however, being aggressive is a quick path to a failed solution.

In Flawless Consulting, we talk about this idea of being aggressive, as well as what it means to be the opposite, or non-assertive. Neither is a recipe for success. As Flawless consultants, we strive to be assertive, respecting the rights of others as well as our own. Rights such as the ability to voice an opinion, be listened to, disagree, to say no, be treated with respect, express feelings, or be quiet are generally things we want for ourselves—and certainly rights we should not deny our clients.

Unfortunately, when faced with aggression or non-assertive behaviors, these rights are seldom honored and our ability to help clients solve problems so they stay solved quickly diminishes. When aggressive, it’s all about me. When passive, it’s all about you. Either way, there is a clear loser. When assertive, we both “win.”

Even so, being one or the other can have its benefits. Consider: what are the negative and positive qualities of aggressive and non-assertive behavior?

Aggressive

Non-Assertive

–

+

+

–

Resentment

Efficient

Avoid Conflict

Missed Opportunities

Blame

Heard

Avoid Blaming

Lack of Influence

Disengagement

Control

Supportive

Indecision

Lack of trust

Decisions Made

Listen

Not Engaged

Sabotage

Take Stance

Flexibility

Frustrated

ASSERTIVE

Assertiveness is the best of both worlds. We all have the ability to control our behavior and act in all three ways. When we get under stress, we tend to move away from assertiveness. So, being aware of the negatives of both aggressive and non-assertive behavior may help all of us move more to the middle, especially when dealing with those who aren’t.

Below are some tips to help you “move to the middle” in being more assertive with your clients.

  •       Understand your communication style. There are many types of personality assessments that can help you identify your style of communication-based on specific personality traits. Learn what yours are and how your style naturally interacts with others. Pay attention to your client and take notice of how they communicate. Adjust your behaviors accordingly. If your client is quiet and methodical in their thought processes, bombarding them with a lot of information and asking for immediate answers won’t be successful. Instead, think of how you can honor their rights in the conversation by giving quiet spaces for thinking and asking if they need more time to consider the options before moving on.

  •       Reign in your emotions. When dealing with a client who is aggressive or non-assertive, it’s easy to meet their negative behaviors with our own. It’s called collusion. The Arbinger Institute explains it as, “I’ll mistreat you so you can blame your bad behavior on me, if you’ll mistreat me so I can blame my bad behavior on you.” Temper what may be an initial negative response, and instead, reign in your own emotions to stay assertive. You’ll discover it’s a lot harder to exhibit negative behaviors when one of the participants is no longer willing to engage in the blame. Ultimately, assertive people control their own behavior.

  •       Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. In Flawless Consulting, we encourage conversations about wants as part of contracting with a client. Asking for what we want helps eliminate confusion and conflicts. Ask your client early on what they want from you and the consulting agreement. At the same time, ask for what you want too. And don’t just ask for those technical wants such as access to information. Ask for wants that show how you will work together. Use “I” statements explaining, “I want to meet with you weekly to make joint decisions on next steps.” We can set expectations early on how we will work with our clients, if we make these wants known as part of our contracting meeting.

Is it really possible to be assertive with clients? The simple answer is yes. It’s not only possible but, ultimately, much more productive and comfortable than the alternative. It does take practice, and you may not always be 100% assertive all the time—but the more you honor the rights of yourself and others, the easier it is to B-E-A-S-S-E-R-T-I-V-E, Be, Be Assertive!

Beverly Crowell is an experienced facilitator, speaker, thought leader, and author specializing in the areas of business operations, organization, employee and human resources development.

A Practical Guide for New Work-at-Homers

Posted on by Maya Mehta

Since 2007, I’ve been working from home. I’ve learned a great deal about what it takes to make working remotely work. If you’ve ever worked from home, you know it’s nothing like working in an office. To help you survive and maybe even thrive in this “new normal,” here are some of my most practical (and real) tips.

If you’ve ever worked from home, you know it’s nothing like working in an office.

  • If you have dogs, close your curtains or blinds before a conference call. If you don’t, you can guarantee that is the exact moment when something or someone will go by your window and launch a barking fit from your most precious canine.

  • Make a Do Not Disturb sign for your door. Post it when you need some privacy for a call or to actually get some work done. When that doesn’t work (and it won’t), create a new sign for your door that says, “Do not disturb and I really mean it!!!” It still may not work, but you’ve made your point.

  • Get a good chair with an armrest. The dining room chair or the folding chair from the closet will be fine for a few hours. Any longer and you’re asking for sore shoulders, backside, and legs. Don’t be afraid to spend more than a few dollars for a good chair if you are going to be spending more than a few hours on it. And be careful with adjustable chairs. Eventually, they lose their ‘adjustability.’ On one teleconference, my chair slowly started to lower while I was talking. Nothing like sinking out of the video frame when you’re trying to look smart.

  • Make sure your family knows when you are doing a video conference and hang the “Do not disturb and I really mean it” sign. Then, shut the door and remind them not to come in for any reason and then lock the door. I once did all of these things and forgot to lock the door. Moments later, my colleagues on the video conference said, “Beverly, it looks like there is a stick floating behind your head with a note attached.” There was. It was my husband asking if I wanted some lunch. Nice gesture, wrong time. Clearly, my sign did not work—but his did. I asked for a sandwich.

  • Be prepared to be on video at any time. And, if you are not willing to do so, take a sticky note right now to cover the camera on your computer. I’ve been caught more than once with no make-up and messy hair when dialing in to a call and not realizing I was going live. There’s nothing like seeing yourself looking down at a computer when you are not ready for it. I’m still traumatized.

  • Talk with your lawn guy about when not to mow the grass. For that matter, be sure to coordinate all work on or in the house around your work schedule. You can’t make a lawn mower quieter and it’s not professional to ask your colleagues to shout.

  • Remind your family and friends that, “Yes, I am working. I may be working from home, but I am working. Sorry, I can’t take you to the store. No, I can’t watch your kids.” People will ask. They don’t understand and some may even get irritated when you say no. For those folks, I’m happy to share my hourly rate.

Best advice? Have a sense of humor. Working from home is nothing like working in an office. There will be distractions. The good news is that many are doing it, so we can laugh together. And with that in mind, share your funniest working from home tip or story with me. I’d love to know I’m not alone!

Originally posted on LinkedIn.

 

Eating Breakfast in Delhi

Posted on by Maya Mehta

I’m having breakfast at the hotel in Delhi. It’s a buffet that comes with the price of the room. I order coffee and then go to the buffet. I read the offerings and walk the length of the table, not sure what most of these dishes are. It’s my first time in Delhi.

I begin to notice the number of westerners in the room—from the UK and USA, mostly. Almost all of them are at the omelette bar or getting the traditional western breakfast. I see several of them lift the covers on the other foods, only to quickly cover them. Indian dishes full of vegetables, soups, and spices don’t seem to appeal.

People seek out foods that are familiar . . . what makes them comfortable . . . what feels safe. I realize that this is not the first time I’ve seen this. It’s the same reason I hear tourists request “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” in restaurants in Vienna—the land of Mozart and Strauss. People want the familiar.

They want the comfort and safety of the familiar. After all, who ever heard of eating rice soup with tuna for breakfast? People want safety and security, and they don’t want to look foolish if they decide to select a local dish. So, it’s back to what’s familiar.

Back to my meal. I find a server and ask him to help me with some of the dishes. He happily explains what each dish is and what goes with what, and how you eat it. What’s spicy and what’s not. I make selections and return to my table. The Naan bread and chickpea gravy is very good. There is a tasty eggplant dish as well. I also like the rice soup (congee) with vegetables. I pass on the bacon and eggs.

As you might have guessed, I am not really writing about food. I’m writing about the tyranny of the familiar that plagues all of us. This is a human condition, a condition that lulls us into comfort.

Comfort is the enemy of thinking and creativity.

So, what do we do? How do we get out of this rut? It’s fun to say that we need to “think outside the box.” But it’s tough to actually do it. What we need to do is stop and think first.

I see this tyranny of the familiar in some participants in workshops (especially Flawless Consulting). Some people are reluctant to try new approaches and will find reasons not to try. They want what’s familiar!

To move out of that rut, start with a change in thinking.

To think first means that you start by suspending judgment. Suspended judgment is the foundation of all creative thinking. It helps you see things differently. It opens the door to new possibilities.

Next, remember you have a “server” to help you as I did in India. It’s your Designed Learning Trainer or Coach. She or he will help you try the “dishes” in a safe environment. They are your partners.

So, next time you’re having breakfast in India, don’t just walk by the Rawa Idli or Uttapam on your way to the omelette bar—think first about the possibilities. Then, try some.

I’d love to hear your stories. Drop me a note. Let me know how it’s going.

Charles L Fields was a highly acclaimed Senior Consultant at Designed Learning and a lover of life. He traveled the world by car, rail, plane, and ship, watched the sunrise on Croagh Patrick, and set on Victoria Peak, weathered a perfect storm in the Pacific, bartered for a darbuka in the Grand Bazaar, prayed at Lord Nelson’s Sarcophagus, ate lunch in the oldest restaurant in the world. His prolific and thought-provoking writing contributed to the design and re-design of many DL products, including Flawless Consulting, Empowerment, and Stewardship. Charlie shared his passion for this body of work in over 25 countries. His impact is a blessing.

Expressing Wants: A Basic Flawless Consulting Skill

Posted on by Maya Mehta

In the Flawless Consulting Skills workshops, we stress that you’ll want to change your conversations . . . the way you talk to your clients, your boss, and to each other. We see that new conversations will move you toward partnership. For example, in our initial conversation with our clients, our goal is to get an agreement on what we are going to do and how we are going to work together. We call this the Contracting Meeting. As consultants, we want to be clear about what we want to help the client be successful.

Expressing those wants often causes anxiety for the consultant. Consultants feel that to say, “I want . . .” is too direct, aggressive, potentially disrespectful, and may be harmful to building a partnership with the client. People often use national, regional, or corporate culture as a reason to not use these skills: “You can’t be that direct in this culture. Others won’t like it.”

This is more about our own anxiety (resistance) than the culture. It is a human issue. Being direct is uncomfortable for all of us. We are concerned that we will be misunderstood, be considered disrespectful, or anger the other person.

There are a variety of styles that people use to express expectations (wants), some more direct than others.

Here are some examples of how one might express a desire to interview the client’s direct reports . . .                                     

You could use… 

   Examples

Closed-ended questions

“Could I interview your direct reports?” (weak)

“Is it okay with you if I interview your direct reports?”  (weak—seeks permission)

Open-ended questions

“What’s the possibility of interviewing your direct reports?” (weak)

“What do you think about me interviewing your direct reports?” (weak)

Indirect Statements

“It would be helpful to talk to your direct reports.”  (may be confusing)

“Sometimes in projects like this, we try to interview the manager’s direct reports.” (may be confusing and get ignored)

Direct Statements

“I would like to interview your direct reports.”  (may get ignored)

“I need to interview your direct reports.”  (may sound aggressive)

“I want to interview your direct reports.”  (can negotiate)

Now, any of these might work and you’ll get what you want. I’ve used them all at one time or another. However, when I did, I often ended up with an agreement that needed to be clarified later.

The key is keeping our words direct, simple, specific, and descriptive AND our tones supportive, non-punishing, and non-judgmental. Stating a want with harsh or argumentative tone can be off-putting, while a weak or timid tine might get ignored.

When you try using these skills, start with people with whom you have a good relationship—don’t start with your toughest client! Also, listen to the language your clients use when they talk to you—you may find that they are direct with you. Partners speak the same language.

We believe that direct words and supportive tones are most effective in being clear and building partnerships. We also recognize that the style is your choice. Recognize that in choosing questions or indirect statements, you may be using a style that will not create the partnership you want.

I’d love to hear about your experiences in expressing your wants. Drop me a note. Let me know how it’s going.

Charles L Fields was a highly acclaimed Senior Consultant at Designed Learning and a lover of life. He traveled the world by car, rail, plane, and ship, watched the sunrise on Croagh Patrick, and set on Victoria Peak, weathered a perfect storm in the Pacific, bartered for a darbuka in the Grand Bazaar, prayed at Lord Nelson’s Sarcophagus, ate lunch in the oldest restaurant in the world. His prolific and thought-provoking writing contributed to the design and re-design of many DL products, including Flawless Consulting, Empowerment, and Stewardship. Charlie shared his passion for this body of work in over 25 countries. His impact is a blessing.