Category: Uncategorized

Managing your Inner Critic

Posted on by Maya Mehta

“All we have to do to create the future is to change the nature of our conversations, to go from blame to ownership, from bargaining to commitment, and from problem-solving to possibility.” – Peter Block, Community: The Structure of Belonging.

We all have our inner critic—that voice that accompanies us throughout our day and interprets what we experience. This voice can be positive or negative, depending on our circumstances and how we navigate them. Unfortunately, we are more often drawn toward negative self-talk and thinking as we continuously face our fears and insecurities.

Everyday stressors can lead us to create a pessimistic narrative about our lives. When the obstacles we face are overwhelming and seem impossible to overcome, it becomes easy to feel shame, self-doubt, and negativity.

On the other hand, our inner critic can be a powerful ally if we engage in positive self-talk. We can choose to own our emotions and act towards increasing self-worth. Then, we empower ourselves to take control of our lives.

Becoming a friend to your Inner Critic

If you want to change the nature of your conversations with yourself, there are a few things you can try:

1) First, pay attention to how you speak to yourself.

The voice in your mind combines your conscious and unconscious thoughts and beliefs, either positive or negative.

2) Become aware of when you are kind to yourself.

Reaffirm possibilities like, ‘I can accomplish this’ or ‘I am capable.’ This will help you focus on being more intentional with positive thinking, and with practice and time, productive thinking like this will become second nature.

Recognize when you’re engaging in negative self-talk, like ‘I can’t do this’ or other thoughts accompanying feelings of doubt. Acknowledging when we’re actively engaging in harsh self-talk is a powerful step forward in reframing how we speak to ourselves and remaining present for future situations.

3) Think in Third-Person

Instead of thinking in the first person, replace the “I” in your inner monologue with your first name. According to an article in Psychology Today, this allows you to detach from the power of your thoughts. The space from those emotions decreases the possibility of overthinking and ruminating on negative beliefs.

Negative self-talk is, well, negative. We are our biggest critics of how we perform at work, how we treat our families and friends, and how we treat ourselves. It’s called the negativity bias, and we are naturally more susceptible to negative information and can more easily become addicted to it. So, while many of these thoughts and beliefs are untrue, reframing our mindsets into thinking positively about ourselves and others is much harder once we engage in negativity.

Creating a positive future is different from defining one. If we want to change how we engage with ourselves, we must shift our thinking and speak by focusing on possibilities, commitment, and ownership, not blame, bargaining, and problem-solving. Nurture your gifts, introduce loving self-talk, and change the nature of your conversations to usher in a newfound internal freedom.

Live by The Rules You Create

Posted on by Maya Mehta

“The hardest thing for any of us is to live by the rules we ourselves create. It’s difficult enough to live by the rules that others create. It is brutal and fierce to live by the ones we create ourselves.” – Peter Block, The Empowered Manager: Positive Political Skills at Work.

Society means having laws, social norms, agreements, and rules. There is a structure to our way of life and how we function in social and professional settings. Indeed, all aspects of our lives involve rules that classify what’s right and wrong and tell us to behave accordingly. These rules, created by others and even ourselves, can be hard to live by.

In the book The Four Agreements, author Don Miguel Ruiz discusses the ‘dream of the planet,’ or society’s dream, which includes all the rules, beliefs, cultures, etc., passed down from generation to generation. From the beginning, humans have learned from those around us, including our family, teachers, and friends. We agreed because that’s all we knew. Through our bonds, we began to believe these adult beliefs as our own.

As time passes, we continue to develop and realize that we may believe very different things from those in our early life. We form our own identity as adults and move on to new opportunities. These experiences expose us to others who open our minds and help evolve our thinking. We see our narrative begin to shift, to change.

“We need to distinguish between the stories that give meaning to our lives and help us find our voice and those that limit our possibility,” says Peter Block in Community: The Structure of Belonging. “But our version of all of them, the meaning and the memory that we narrate to all who will listen, is our creation—made up. Fiction. And this is good news, for it means that a new story can be concocted any time we choose.”

It is brutal to live by the narratives we create for ourselves. It is even more so when we live a life agreeing with beliefs that are not ours. Block explains that to create a new story, we must first come to terms with the current one. Name it, be fierce in confronting your creation, and then choose to rewrite it. It is the key to personal freedom. It opens the door to a new story being written… one in which you control your happiness. In this story, you view yourself with love and treat others with kindness. You show up as the best version of whatever story that YOU choose to tell.

Article by Rebecca Crowell

Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.

Say no, It’s a good thing

Posted on by Maya Mehta

“If you can’t say no, your yes has no meaning.” – Peter Block, Flawless Consulting: A Guide to Getting Your Expertise Used

In a world that prioritizes a strong work ethic, success, and drive, it can feel challenging to say no. The dominant cultural narrative has been instilled in us from an early age. It celebrates competition and individualism, where upward mobility and economic success are the primary means of living a happy life.

It rarely is. Various areas of our lives require attention and care to feel truly content. These areas include relationships, physical health, finances, spirituality, leisure, work or school, and knowledge. If we are too hyper-fixated on one area of our well-being, there will be far less energy to attend to others. Being intentional in understanding which aspect of our life needs some extra care helps us discover what we need. When we are aware of our needs and have taken care of them, it’s easier to say yes. Then, we can take advantage of new opportunities with a genuine spirit.

Say no, it’s good for your well-being.

It’s frightening to say no. We may ‘people please’ and say yes even when we don’t want to. This often results in us becoming a pair of hands and finding ourselves stretched thin and stressed. We put personal needs on the back burner as we put others first. We do so because we fear we can’t say no and want to be well-liked and perceived as considerate. The thing is, our energy isn’t fully in it if we fail to set healthy boundaries.

Setting healthy boundaries is the key to a greater sense of confidence and internal freedom. If you can become more self-aware, it will be easier to communicate your thoughts, wants, and needs to others. If you feel burnt out from your work life and want to take time away from the office, set that boundary by discussing it with your supervisor. You may also need to say no to a friend’s invitation to an upcoming party because you know you need to prioritize self-care. Setting reasonable and healthy boundaries allows for less stress in the core areas of our lives.

Say no, it’s good for collaboration.

There are many ways one can say no assertively while remaining polite. According to Psychology Today, a helpful strategy for saying no is called the “sandwich method.” Let’s say you were invited to drinks after work with some co-workers, but you know you would feel better if you went home and caught up on sleep. You can kindly decline the invite by starting out and ending on a positive note. Thank them for including you, follow it with a no, and reschedule for next week. In this scenario, you assertively said no and still left feeling content about the relationships involved.

When partnering with others at work, consider contracting about what and how you work with each other. By reaching an agreement first, you and your coworker limit the risk of intentionally or unintentionally violating each other’s boundaries for a collaborative work relationship. “The business of the contracting phase,” says Peter Block in Flawless Consulting, “is to negotiate wants, cope with mixed motivation, surface concerns about exposure and loss of control, clarify the contract for all parties, and give affirmation.”

Say no, it’s good for the future.

It is possible to say no to provide a more meaningful yes in the future. Ultimately, we know ourselves better than anyone. By understanding when it’s necessary to say no, we are in direct recognition that “every one of our acts is a choice and that choice is free,” explains Block in Confronting Our Freedom: Leading a Culture of Chosen Accountability and Belonging, “then whenever we act consciously and deliberately, we also experience the core of our action the sense of free will. Mature and authentic individuals are fully conscious of the fact that they must choose.”

Article by Rebecca Crowell

Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.

Possibilities from Designed Learning – June 2024

Posted on by Maya Mehta

Flawless Consulting® in Florida
This September and October, take advantage of a special opportunity to join us in person for Flawless Consulting® Public Workshops in sunny Cape Canaveral, Florida. Have a blast on the Space Coast and experience learnings that will help you elevate your influence and launch partnerships that last. Part 1 – Sep. 10-11 / Part 2- Oct. 8-9 Sign up here.

Designed Learning at ATD24
Last month, the Designed Learning team attended ATD24 in New Orleans, bringing a refreshing return to authenticity amidst a sea of high-tech solutions. Through meaningful conversations, we shared our vision of humanizing the workplace and advocating for environments where relationships and compassion take center stage. The positive feedback we received reaffirmed the power of authenticity and connection. Read more reflections on our blog. 

ATD’s Handbook for Consultants
Whether you’re considering branching out on your own, struggling to keep your newly launched business afloat, or looking to take your consulting practice to the next level, this resource is for you. ATD’s Handbook for Consultants, edited by consulting powerhouse Elaine Biech, features two chapters by DL leadership, Peter Block and Beverly Crowell. Get your copy today.

In the works… Choosing Accountability workshop
We’ve been hard at work designing a new learning experience to help you shift mindsets, confront freedom, and inspire chosen accountability. Stay tuned for more. 

SUMMER READING

WHAT’S SCHEDULED

Upcoming Public Workshops

Webinars and Other Events

    Being Flawless in the Big Easy: Designed Learning at ATD24

    Posted on by Maya Mehta

    Last month, the Designed Learning team headed to New Orleans for ATD24. Our experience was a refreshing return to authenticity and genuine connection, even on an expo floor dominated by high-tech solutions and flashy displays. The Association for Talent Development’s annual international expo, held at the vibrant heart of the Big Easy, proved to be the ideal stage for us to showcase what truly matters—compassion, conversation, and humanity.

    A Glimpse into ATD24

    This year, the theme of ATD24 was “Recharge Your Soul,” and we did just that. For over 80 years, ATD24 has been a beacon for learning and development professionals. From its humble beginnings in Chicago in 1945, with just 56 attendees, in 2024, there were over 10,000 professionals from more than 80 countries. It was my first time experiencing this large-scale conference, and the energy was as overwhelming as it was inspirational. It was such a joy to be among those who came to discover the latest trends in the industry, unlock new tools and solutions, and network with peers committed to creating a better world through talent development.

    Our Booth – Simplicity Meets Authenticity

    Positioned right by the lunch area, which was an unexpected blessing, our booth stood out not because of any high-tech gadgets or elaborate displays but because of its simplicity and warmth. Visitors were greeted by four inviting little red cubes, perfect for small group conversations. If they wanted, they could pick up simple giveaways like stain-removing pens, mirrors, books, pens, and bookmarks—simple tools that reflect our commitment to practicality and thoughtfulness.

    One visitor summed it up perfectly when she approached us simply because she liked our smiles. This interaction embodied our philosophy that true connection comes from authenticity and compassion—two of the key ingredients that it takes to “be flawless™,” as we always say in Flawless Consulting®.

    Being A Model

    Our presence at ATD24 wasn’t just about showcasing our solutions; it was about modeling the role that we want to play in the industry. We believe in humanizing the workplace and building communities that work for the common good of all. Our low-tech booth was a physical manifestation of these values. By stripping away the unnecessary frills, we aimed to create a space where real, meaningful conversations could take place.

    We envision a world where workplaces prioritize what it means to be human, fostering environments where everyone feels valued and heard. This approach not only enhances productivity and innovation but also contributes to the overall well-being and influence of employees.

    The Impact of Authentic Engagement

    Throughout the conference, we engaged with numerous professionals who shared our vision. We discussed the importance of leadership, consulting, and workplaces that prioritize relationships. Our simple booth became a hub for exchanging ideas, sharing experiences with Peter Block’s books, and envisioning a future where work is more than just a means to an end—it’s a place where we can find meaning.

    The feedback we received was overwhelmingly positive. Many attendees appreciated our approach, noting that it was a breath of fresh air, even if they had never heard of Peter Block or Flawless Consulting. Our presence at ATD24 reaffirmed that to be flawless (authentic, compassionate, and a model) resonates deeply among those who want to be part of workplaces that put people, and relationships first.

    Souls Recharged

    We left New Orleans with hearts full of hope and minds brimming with new ideas. ATD24 reinforced our commitment to inspiring transformation in the workplace, one conversation at a time. We invite you to join us on this journey. Let’s work together to create workplaces that allow us to reclaim our collective well-being and prioritize the relational side of work, fostering environments where everyone can thrive.

    If you share our vision and want to learn more, reach out or check out our solutions.

    By Maya Mehta

    Are You Consulting Without a Safety Net?

    Posted on by Maya Mehta

    What if we worked with clients in ways that could better leverage our expertise, foster trust sooner, galvanize stronger commitment, and make consulting more rewarding? I find these outcomes more likely occur when I weave a safety net in asking clients for what I want and voice them during contracting conversations:

    • I want you to, at any time, talk with me about how we are working together. This simple yet powerful statement opens the choice for clients to speak authentically about what is important to them and what challenges they face—affirming that my relationship with the client is fundamental to solving the problem. I’m now on the hook for asking clients about their doubts and concerns, naming their resistance, ensuring they feel seen and heard, and expressing what they are doing that is useful to me.
    • I want you to talk to me first, before talking to my boss. Waste of time and erosion of trust occur when we go around instead of directly to sources. With a client’s agreement to #1 above, it makes sense that I be the one talked to first. I always explain that if they go to my boss about something I should hear, my boss will ask, “Have you talked to JP about this?” because my boss and I have made this same agreement.
    • I want you to make the decision when others on this project come to a standstill/impasse. In every project I’ve been a part of, people have gotten stuck. When that happens, this agreement reminds clients that the decision to get unstuck is theirs to make.
    • I want you to agree that I will conduct my own discovery to gain a clear picture of what’s going on. My unique value to the client is my ability to see clearly how the problem is being managed. Without my independent perspective of the underlying dimensions of the problem, I’m left solving only the technical/business aspect of the problem—the presenting problem. The resolution of the real problem requires a change in thinking and action on the part of the client. By looking at the problem in a way that the client can’t, I’m able to identify the impact that goals, processes, and relationships have on the problem—how they keep the presenting problem from being solved. Without this agreement, clients have every right to assume I’ll skip the Discovery and Feedback Phases and move directly into Implementation.  
    • I want you to consider what role you need to play to bring about desired changes and how you may be contributing to the problem. This underscores why solving the presenting problem is not enough and invites our shared exploration. By encouraging early ownership and commitment, this minimizes surprises during feedback and points to what clients have the most control over. Rather than solving problems for clients, I set myself up to help clients solve problems themselves.

    What I want from clients above stems from my consulting experiences and lessons learned. (Even today, what is challenging in a relationship can be attributed to what I have not asked for.) Although each relationship and project is unique, I voice this set during every contracting conversation to mitigate what I don’t want. These are in the interest of making sure the project is successful—not to satisfy my own personal whims and wishes. What would it sound like to state clearly and simply what you want from a client?

    As humans, our reactions are strongly influenced by the environment we inhabit, and the same holds true for our clients. Without a safety net, we risk doing to the client as an expert or doing for the client as a pair of hands. What’s possible when, as Flawless Consultants, our decisions are grounded in the security of our safety net? By fostering an environment of relatedness and connection, we offer insurance for working with our clients, allowing our expertise to shine. What does your safety net of wants look like?

    Article by JP Tier

    ‘Yes’ is the right question

    Posted on by Maya Mehta

     Something in the persistent question, “How?” expresses each person’s struggle between having confidence in their capacity to live a life of purpose and yielding to the daily demands of being practical. It is possible to spend our days engaged in activities that work well for us and achieve our objectives and still wonder whether we are making a difference in the world. What if ‘Yes’ is the right question?

    My premise is that this culture, and we as members of it, have yielded too quickly to what is doable, practical, and popular. In the process, we have sacrificed the pursuit of what is in our hearts. We find ourselves giving in to our doubts and settling for what we know how to do or can soon learn to do instead of pursuing what most matters to us and living with the adventure and anxiety that this requires.

    We often avoid the question of whether something is worth doing by going straight to the question, “How do we do it?” In fact, when we believe that something is definitely not worth doing, we are particularly eager to start asking How? We can look at what is worth doing at many different levels: As an individual, I can wonder whether I can be myself and do what I want and still make a living. For an organization, I can ask for whose sake does this organization exist, and does it exist for any larger purpose than to survive and be economically successful? As a society, have we replaced a sense of community and civic engagement for economic well-being and the pursuit of our private ambition?

    Too often, when a discussion is dominated by questions of how we risk overvaluing what is practical and doable and postponing the questions of larger purpose and collective well-being. With the question, we risk aspiring to goals that are defined for us by the culture and by our institutions at the expense of pursuing purposes and intentions that arise from within ourselves.

    While there are many positive values to our desire for concrete action and results, it does not ensure that what we are doing serves our own larger purpose or acts to create a world that we can believe in—in other words, a world that matters. Thus, the pursuit of how we can act to avoid more important questions, such as whether what we are doing is important to us, as opposed to being important to them. While we do create value when we pursue what is important to others, it is different from doing what is important to us.

    If knowing how offers us the possibility of more control and predictability, then we may have to sacrifice them to pursue what matters. The choice to worry about why we are doing something more than how we do something is risky business. It is risky for us as individuals, for our organizations, and for society.

    Choosing to act on “what matters “is the choice to live a passionate existence, which is anything but controlled and predictable. The alternative to asking How? is saying Yes – not literally, but as a symbol of our stance toward the possibility of more meaningful change and change that promises real commitment to what draws us into what matters. 

    To commit to the course of acting on what matters, we postpone the how questions and precede them with others that begin to shift us from “what works” to “what matters.” Taken in isolation and asked in the right context, all how. The questions are valid. But, when they become the primary questions, the controlling questions, or the defining questions, they create a world where operational attention drives out the human spirit. 

    How Question 1: How do you do it? 

    becomes

    Yes Question 1: What refusal have I been postponing?

    How Question 2: How long will it take? 

    becomes

    Yes Question 2: What commitment am I willing to make?

    How Question 3: How much does it cost? 

    becomes

    Yes, Question 3: What is the price I am willing to pay?

    How Question 4: How do you get others to change? 

    becomes

    Yes Question 4: What is my contribution to the problem I am concerned with?

    How Question 5: How do we measure it? 

    becomes

    Yes Question 5: What is the crossroad at which I find myself at this point in my work/life?

    How Question 6: How are other people doing it successfully? 

    becomes

    Yes Question 6: What do we want to create together?

    When we look for tools and techniques which are part of the how question, we preempt other kinds of learning. If we want to know what really works, we must carefully decide which are the right questions for this moment. Picking the right question is the beginning of action on what matters, and this is what works. This is how we name the debate, by the questions we pursue, for all these questions are action steps. Good questions work on us; we don’t work on them. They are not a project to be completed but a doorway opening onto a greater depth of understanding and action that will take us into being more fully alive.

    From The Answer to How is Yes by Peter Block.

    Why should they trust you? Restoring Relationships Should be Top Priority for Today’s Business Leaders 

    Posted on by Maya Mehta

    Building trust is imperative for organizations, especially during times of economic uncertainty. When trust is present, it can help to stabilize relationships, foster cooperation, and increase confidence amongst teams, clients, and key stakeholders. While trust is the bedrock of team success, there is no doubt that building it is especially important during times of economic turbulence, where uncertainty and risk can cause team members and stakeholders to become cautious and resistant. 

    Leaders should prioritize building trust because it’s good for morale. Even more so, it’s good for business. Trust generates resilience and confidence within any company, organization, or community among those key to its success. 

    Trust strengthens relationships 

    So here’s what is obvious: trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship between organizations and their stakeholders. When those with a vested interest also trust a business, they are more likely to be supportive and authentically interested in its success. This can lead to stronger partnerships and boosted collaboration. 

    Trust fosters resilience 

    Building trust can help businesses weather economic uncertainty by creating a sense of ownership and belonging. When stakeholders have confidence in the relationship, they are more likely to remain committed and engaged, even during difficult times. Trust allows an organization to maintain momentum and overcome inevitable, unpredictable obstacles. 

    Trust boosts confidence 

    Economic uncertainty can create fear and doubt for businesses and their stakeholders. By building trust, leaders can help alleviate these concerns and boost confidence, increasing investment, stronger partnerships, and more significant growth opportunities. 

    As many of us know, trust is not easily won by everyone. Part of being a leader is to engage your team and those with whom you collaborate in a way that demonstrates a genuine effort to connect and foster a positive relationship. If you are a leader, there are some concrete and specific steps that you can take to build trusting relationships in your organization. 

    Step One: Identify the levels of trust in your relationships 

    Let’s face it; some people are more complicated to work with than others. That’s okay. That’s life. Without playing the blame game, take time to note down mentally those relationships where trust is not there, whether it’s an adversarial one or one of indifference. 

    Also note where the relationships are solid, those who you go to with ideas, possibilities, doubts, and concerns. Those are high-trust relationships, and it’s essential to put effort into maintaining them too. 

    Step Two: Develop an approach and strategy for different relationships based on the level of trust 

    Relationships with different levels of trust require different approaches. For example, strategies and methods exist to build trust with people with whom we do not connect or agree. It starts with connecting with people without judgment, valuing others’ points of view, and finding instances of agreement and similarities instead of differences. Part of any strategy that must deal with trust is an acknowledgment of what role you play within the relationship. Leaders who wish to approach building trust with intention must start with a willingness to let their guard down and be vulnerable. 

    “I can create a high-trust environment any time I want. All I must realize is that I am creating the environment in which I live,” explained Peter Block in the article Trust in Whom. ”We are afraid of being naïve and a fool if we continue to trust in the face of others’ betrayal. Well, what is so great about being strategic and clever? And what is so wrong about being a fool? Maybe being willing to be a fool is the exact means of creating the high-trust world that we each long for.”

    Step Three: Plan and practice conversations that matter

    The starting point for action and change is conversation. The quality of how you are with others matters even more than the expertise you each bring. That said, holding trust-building conversations requires authenticity, vulnerability, and a learned communication skillset that takes practice. 

    In a time of uncertainty, trust is an invaluable resource, and it requires action and intention from the side of leaders who depend on it to achieve successful outcomes. In Flawless Conversations: Building Trusting Relationships, learn how to plan for conversations that inspire not only a shift within your one-on-one relationships but can even empower broader transformation within your team, organization, and beyond.

    Training is Not the Answer

    Posted on by Maya Mehta

    Industry developments and reform make changes in the workplace inevitable, and training is the tool most often used to implement that change.

    Many see training as a staple in the workplace that generates a common language among employees. The way that change is exhibited can contribute to the longevity and success of the organization. It is important that the stakeholders understand how to engage their peers and employees.

    In the article, Training is Not the Answer, Block recognizes that most reform efforts are unsuccessful because of the format in which training is offered. Rather than allowing employees to have a say in training methods, top level management determines which programs will be beneficial.

    Block says that the problem lies within the ideas that “Training is mandatory and top management with staff support knows what is best.” Training can only be truly successful when it gives employees the opportunity to create ownership and responsibility at the point of contact.

    Instructing employees to follow new guidelines will not work unless they are given a voice to express their opinions. Only after we allow them to join the conversation to determine and understand their stakes in the organization’s success will sustained, effective change occur.