Be the Consultant Your Clients Want to Mirror

Over the last several years buzz words like authenticity, compassion, courage, empathy, and kindness have all made their way into thought leadership blogs and articles. The premise is that leaders who demonstrate these characteristics are more likely to be successful and have better team and organizational outcomes. At the foundation of these ideas is the fact that none of us want to work for or with people who do not demonstrate these and other basic characteristics for effective human interaction. There is something that draws us to others who engage with us in the same way that we would want to ideally engage with others. This is one of the underlying components of Flawless Consulting. As an internal or external consultant, we have to engage with our clients in an authentic, courageous, wholehearted way. This, in turn, creates the environment for our clients to engage with us in that same way.

I love neuroscience, and when I saw that there was actually a scientific term for this, I was intrigued. It is called mirror neuron activation. Mirror neurons are cells in our brains that react to external stimuli that promote mirroring behavior or emotions. A familiar example of mirror neuron activation is when we smile at others, who in turn smile back at us.

Our behaviors and emotions are contagious.

As internal and external consultants, we set the tone for the interaction. It is our willingness to be authentic, speak to the truth, and hold ourselves and others accountable for executing promises that set the tone for what is expected in the consulting relationship. We cannot ask for what we ourselves are not willing to give. As consultants, we have to be mindful of what we bring to the consulting table for our clients to mirror. Are we bringing authenticity, courage, and trust—and thus mirroring these behaviors in our interactions with our clients? Or are we bringing our hidden agendas, self-interest, and airs of cleverness to the conversation?  As internal and external consultants, we set the tone for the interaction. It is our willingness to be authentic, speak to the truth, and hold ourselves and others accountable for executing promises that set the tone for what is expected in the consulting relationship. We cannot ask for what we ourselves are not willing to give. As consultants, we have to be mindful of what we bring to the consulting table for our clients to mirror. Are we bringing authenticity, courage, and trust—and thus mirroring these behaviors in our interactions with our clients? Or are we bringing our hidden agendas, self-interest, and airs of cleverness to the conversation?

Before your next engagement with a client, take a movement to check your mirror. Ask yourself the following questions to see what you might be mirroring:

  • How am I feeling about this meeting, this client, and this interaction?

  • What is my purpose for engaging with this client? Is it to be helpful, or to push my agenda?

  • What underlying thoughts or emotions might get in the way of us having a successful meeting?

  • What do I need to do in order to help me to build trust with my client and show up authentically?

  • What do I need to put aside or acknowledge mentally or emotionally in order to be fully present for this meeting?

Ruminations on Influence

The heart of consulting, as Peter Block has so succinctly put it, is “influencing without direct authority.” That holds for those of us who work as external consultants as well as anyone in a staff role working internally. Therefore, it seems worth thinking about the source and process of influence.

Since I hold a master’s degree in “science” (yes, the standard deviations in our science are large), let me try a simple formulation:

Influence ƒ Expertise x Relationships

What I like about this formulation is that, if either value is low, our influence is low. And if either is “zero”—our influence is nil as well.

Let’s take a brief look at both. Generally, we get hired for our expertise either as internal or external consultants. There seem to be two corollaries around expertise:

  • I have to continually work to continue to develop my expertise. Just think about how emerging technologies like augmented reality and artificial intelligence will impact the field of OD.

  • I have to be able to explain how my expertise benefits the client I am working with. Those of us in OD love our models and theories. The client wants to know how our theories, applied to her organization, will help her run a better organization. In my view, “help” represents lower cost, more revenue, or improved customer service. We’ll have more impact when we talk in those terms.

  • Our expertise is one thing if measured by the standards of our training and discipline. It’s something else when the client perceives it as a business building asset.

Relationships most frequently represent the greatest opportunity for us to improve our influence. Consider some of the following aspects of self-management that affect the quality of relationships.

  • Can I talk to the client in terms of what’s important to her? Or have I fallen in love with my theories and models?

  • What is my attitude toward authority? Am I working out unresolved issues from the past? (As a confession, there was a point in my career where I made the boss “wrong” simply because he was the boss. Obviously, that got in my way.)

  • Can I accept the fact that, no matter how damaging the client’s behavior might be, he’s doing the best job he knows how? Or do I sit in judgment?

  • Am I willing to be open and direct with the client? Or do I get “strategic” and cautious with what I say?

A tool I learned several years ago that helps me in regard to the questions above is Chris Argyris’ notion of the “left-hand column.”[1] When a conversation doesn’t go well, the tool can be used to diagnose why. Here’s how it works. If you’re reflecting on a meeting or conversation that did not go as you wanted, take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. In the right hand column, write down what was said, trying to keep all the quotes verbatim without judgment or interpretation. In the left-hand column, write down what you were thinking but did not say. More often than not, those unsaid thoughts transfer into the actual conversation.

For me, the most difficult issues in managing a relationship has been at times managing myself, and moving from judgment to compassion and from wanting to look smart to wanting to serve. These are still tendencies. I’m still a work in process.

 

 

I learned this concept while working in a training and development capacity at ATT from a consulting partner, Innovation Associates. Their work focused on Peter Senge’s writing in The Fifth Discipline, which in turn was strongly influenced by Argyris, who was then teaching at Harvard Business School.

Delivering Consulting and Implementation

We are good at more than implementing solutions that require our specific technical or business expertise. We also know a lot about helping design optimal solutions, based upon thoughtful analysis of situation-specific problem sets and desired outcomes. We’ve seen plenty of well implemented solutions that work in one place, but not in another. With this experienced insight, we can help folks figure out the best solutions that fit their particular situations. In short, we offer consulting expertise in addition to implementation expertise, and we focus on helping our clients/stakeholders get the results they want—not just getting a solution “done” according to the specifications.

Our consulting is also about supporting folks who are facing their own unique concerns and situational problem sets. They may not be fully ready to avail themselves of all that we have to offer. Likely, they don’t fully recognize what consultative expertise and empathetic support we have to offer, or what benefit it can provide. Likely, too, they have reservations about tapping such expertise and empathy. Trust is always a key factor. Then again, they may simply not know how to work with consultants like us.

To grow our client-valued impact, we can guide interactions with clients to open their eyes to—and their trust in—who we are and what we offer.

In the Flawless Consulting approach, it’s the contracting (and continuous re-contracting) with clients that is the context for such guidance. Our other Flawless Consulting work in the discovery, decision-making, implementation, and evaluation phases further allows us to demonstrate our expertise and trustworthiness.  And yet, it is in our contracting discussions with clients that our value, our mutual expectations and concerns, and the ground-rules for our working relationship are established and burnished.

The operating criteria for trust can be contracted, clarifying what trustworthiness we and our clients offer and expect. Imagine knowing how to get and feel clear about:

  • What trustworthiness we really have to offer:

    • Technical/business expertise

    • Consulting expertise

    • Empathy and respect

    • Truthfulness

    • Time and energy

    • Desire to be helpful

    • Strength of commitment to be helpful

  • What trustworthiness they really have to offer:

    • Business expertise

    • Leadership of their people

    • Respectful concern for us as people as well as experts

    • Openness, including saying when they are withholding select information in some cases

    • Time and energy

    • Desire to succeed

    • Strength of commitment to succeed

While these lists of relevant “wants” can go long, the point remains that we can lead the conversations that lead to shared clarity. In the process, we enable more effective result-getting and more meaningful working relationships. We also stand tall with our clients, sharing and respecting our respective strengths in the cause of making a more significant impact.

Not a bad day’s or life’s work.