In our pursuit of more equitable, sustainable, and community-oriented systems, we often overlook a crucial element: how we come together. At Designed Learning®, we believe that the way we convene can be as transformative as the work itself. Our “Leader as Convener” program offers a paradigm shift in how we perceive and address societal issues, reimagining leadership for the common good.
This approach advocates for reimagining our relationships with human capital, natural resources, financial systems, and social connections. It calls for an end to commodifying humanity, a renewed respect for nature, a reevaluation of financial practices, and the building of social capital through trust and citizen engagement.
Whether you’re an impact investor, a foundation catalyzing systemic change, or an NGO empowering communities, the way you bring people together matters. Traditional hierarchical leadership often falls short in addressing complex, interconnected challenges. Leader as Convener offers a new perspective, emphasizing focusing on gifts rather than deficiencies, possibilities over problem-solving, and balancing covenants with well-structured contracts to ensure both relational trust and clear expectations.
Envision meetings where power dynamics are neutralized, every voice is heard, and authentic commitment replaces lip service. Picture conversations that move beyond problem-solving to possibility thinking, where diverse strengths are recognized and leveraged. This is the essence of our program.
Leader as Convener equips leaders with skills to facilitate Six Conversations That Matter®:
Possibility: Shifting from problems to potential
Ownership: Moving from blame to accountability
Dissent: Encouraging healthy disagreement
Commitment: Transforming intentions into action
Gifts: Utilizing diverse strengths
Invitation: Extending genuine, inclusive calls to participate
This approach encourages leadership by convening and motivating citizens to actively participate in shaping their communities and narratives. For those in urban development, manufacturing, or sustainability, it boosts collaboration with diverse stakeholders, fostering inclusive decision-making for economic development and business associations. Academic institutions studying sustainable development gain a new perspective for effective community engagement. In large corporations, this approach shifts traditional hierarchies to more collaborative environments, enabling managers to facilitate meaningful conversations, foster team ownership, and ensure all voices are heard. This results in greater employee engagement, improved decision-making, and innovative problem-solving.
This program isn’t just about improving meetings; it’s about transforming how we work together to create change. It’s about building trust, fostering belonging, and creating conditions for true collaboration and innovation. By focusing on gifts and possibilities, we can create a more inclusive and sustainable future.
As we face unprecedented challenges in creating equitable and sustainable systems, we need new ways of leading and convening. Leader as Convener offers a path forward, helping us harness our collective wisdom and power to create the future we envision. It’s a call to action for all of us to rethink our roles in society and at work, and how we can contribute to positive change.
When it comes to your ideas and beliefs that you hold, it can be challenging to take a step back and see your views clearly. As humans, we feel most at peace when we stay in our comfort zone. When you are around new people, places and are introduced to concepts that seem completely different from your own, you may initially resist accepting these things. Change is something that many people have a challenging time receiving as it requires us to adjust our habits. These routine behaviors and preferences make us feel secure because we know their patterns and how they will inevitably make us feel.
We all face hardships and obstacles in our lives that cause us to be discouraged. We resist negative psychological pain to keep going. It is normal to deny these unfavorable feelings because we believe that it will be better for our mental health in the long term; this is rarely the case. In fact, this suppression of uncomfortable emotions will cause a greater blow back in the end. If you learn to accept how you’re feeling, rather than resisting what makes you uncomfortable, you become free of fear.
Through this learning process, you will gain awareness of how you subconsciously think and feel. To be an individual who is self-aware is a double-edged sword. While you can consciously understand the patterns you display, you may also get invested in analyzing these behaviors. It’s important to focus on the positive change that can take place, rather than drowning in pessimistic introspection. You must be intentional with being a more open-minded person to grow.
Take it Easy – Manage Your Resistance
Peter Block tells us that, “If things are not going well, I am a player in them not going well. So, I must ask myself, what’s my contribution to the difficulty I am experiencing with the world?” Through this process of self-analyzing, you can uncover your underlying doubts, insecurities, and fears that are holding you back. Effective change for yourself can happen at a more accelerated pace as you are clear on what you are resisting.
According to Psychology Today, you can begin to accept resistance as a good thing when you become aware of your mental and physical state, and the thoughts that accompany this. Try selecting one day out of your week to purposefully check in with how you react to certain things you encounter. If you experience any resistance, choose to relax your body and mind instead. You may take a few deep breaths or focus on a happy thought. Through deliberate practice in understanding your resistance to yourself and others better, you will automatically live a more peaceful life.
Article by Rebecca Crowell
Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.
“The goal is to balance a life that works with a life that counts.” – Peter Block, The Answer to How is Yes.
If you want to live a healthy life that benefits your mind, body, and spirit, then it’s important to be intentional about incorporating balance in all areas of your life. Balancing your responsibilities and roles as an individual can feel especially overwhelming when there’s little to no time to put aside during your daily routine.
Workplace stress is rampant, so it’s vital to monitor our mental health to effectively represent ourselves to our co-workers, our employers, and ourselves. Research from the World Health Organization states that 83% of US workers suffer from work-related stress, and 54% of workers report that work stress affects their home life.
Many of us prioritize competing deadlines, attending meetings, and working overtime to feel accomplished in the workplace. It feels rewarding to put all our energies into our careers so we may thrive and advance in our respected companies, but this comes with a cost. If your work-life balance is off-kilter, your mental health will start to decline, and inevitable stress will ensue.
The first step to feeling more fulfilled and at peace is knowing whether your work-life balance is healthy or unhealthy. You may think that overtime and endless hours of work are normal. However, if they’re becoming an issue for your health, it’s vital to address them. The Mental Health Foundation suggests five steps for addressing your work-life balance situation.
How to Find Balance:
First, ask yourself what is causing your stress and how it affects your work and personal life.
After addressing the cause, sit with those feelings. Are you angry with your situation now? Confused?
Next, you’ll become more proactive by brainstorming ways to reduce your stress. Could you come home early one night a week to spend time with your family? Reprioritizing what’s important to you in the current moment will leave you feeling more at peace.
After considering a few alternatives, consider how your work could accommodate these priorities. Then, you should speak up about these concerns and ideas for change with your employers.
The last step is to follow through with making these changes. When talking with your boss, try asking for more flexible hours, remote work, or adjusting your designated days off. Contract on what you want or don’t, and work to reach an agreement that works for all.
“Choosing to act on what matters is the choice to live a passionate existence, which is anything but controlled and predictable,” says Peter Block in The Answer to How is Yes. “It is the challenge to acknowledge that just because something works, it doesn’t mean that it matters.” He asserts that a “life that matters is captured in the word yes,” where yes expresses our willingness to claim our freedom and use it to be a “player instead of a spectator to our own experience.”
Our mental health is indispensable; living a life that counts means prioritizing it effectively. It is “being a player in our own experience,” dedicating time towards our relationships with family and friends, leisure activities, and spaces outside of the workplace to reduce the burden that work may bring where winning back the practical balance of our life allows us to say yes to being more present and finding joy during our busy routines.
Article by Rebecca Crowell
Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.
“All we have to do to create the future is to change the nature of our conversations, to go from blame to ownership, from bargaining to commitment, and from problem-solving to possibility.” – Peter Block, Community: The Structure of Belonging.
We all have our inner critic—that voice that accompanies us throughout our day and interprets what we experience. This voice can be positive or negative, depending on our circumstances and how we navigate them. Unfortunately, we are more often drawn toward negative self-talk and thinking as we continuously face our fears and insecurities.
Everyday stressors can lead us to create a pessimistic narrative about our lives. When the obstacles we face are overwhelming and seem impossible to overcome, it becomes easy to feel shame, self-doubt, and negativity.
On the other hand, our inner critic can be a powerful ally if we engage in positive self-talk. We can choose to own our emotions and act towards increasing self-worth. Then, we empower ourselves to take control of our lives.
Becoming a friend to your Inner Critic
If you want to change the nature of your conversations with yourself, there are a few things you can try:
1) First, pay attention to how you speak to yourself.
The voice in your mind combines your conscious and unconscious thoughts and beliefs, either positive or negative.
2) Become aware of when you are kind to yourself.
Reaffirm possibilities like, ‘I can accomplish this’ or ‘I am capable.’ This will help you focus on being more intentional with positive thinking, and with practice and time, productive thinking like this will become second nature.
Recognize when you’re engaging in negative self-talk, like ‘I can’t do this’ or other thoughts accompanying feelings of doubt. Acknowledging when we’re actively engaging in harsh self-talk is a powerful step forward in reframing how we speak to ourselves and remaining present for future situations.
3) Think in Third-Person
Instead of thinking in the first person, replace the “I” in your inner monologue with your first name. According to an article in Psychology Today, this allows you to detach from the power of your thoughts. The space from those emotions decreases the possibility of overthinking and ruminating on negative beliefs.
Negative self-talk is, well, negative. We are our biggest critics of how we perform at work, how we treat our families and friends, and how we treat ourselves. It’s called the negativity bias, and we are naturally more susceptible to negative information and can more easily become addicted to it. So, while many of these thoughts and beliefs are untrue, reframing our mindsets into thinking positively about ourselves and others is much harder once we engage in negativity.
Creating a positive future is different from defining one. If we want to change how we engage with ourselves, we must shift our thinking and speak by focusing on possibilities, commitment, and ownership, not blame, bargaining, and problem-solving. Nurture your gifts, introduce loving self-talk, and change the nature of your conversations to usher in a newfound internal freedom.
Article by Rebecca Crowell
Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.
“The hardest thing for any of us is to live by the rules we ourselves create. It’s difficult enough to live by the rules that others create. It is brutal and fierce to live by the ones we create ourselves.” – Peter Block, The Empowered Manager: Positive Political Skills at Work.
Society means having laws, social norms, agreements, and rules. There is a structure to our way of life and how we function in social and professional settings. Indeed, all aspects of our lives involve rules that classify what’s right and wrong and tell us to behave accordingly. These rules, created by others and even ourselves, can be hard to live by.
In the book The Four Agreements, author Don Miguel Ruiz discusses the ‘dream of the planet,’ or society’s dream, which includes all the rules, beliefs, cultures, etc., passed down from generation to generation. From the beginning, humans have learned from those around us, including our family, teachers, and friends. We agreed because that’s all we knew. Through our bonds, we began to believe these adult beliefs as our own.
As time passes, we continue to develop and realize that we may believe very different things from those in our early life. We form our own identity as adults and move on to new opportunities. These experiences expose us to others who open our minds and help evolve our thinking. We see our narrative begin to shift, to change.
“We need to distinguish between the stories that give meaning to our lives and help us find our voice and those that limit our possibility,” says Peter Block in Community: The Structure of Belonging. “But our version of all of them, the meaning and the memory that we narrate to all who will listen, is our creation—made up. Fiction. And this is good news, for it means that a new story can be concocted any time we choose.”
It is brutal to live by the narratives we create for ourselves. It is even more so when we live a life agreeing with beliefs that are not ours. Block explains that to create a new story, we must first come to terms with the current one. Name it, be fierce in confronting your creation, and then choose to rewrite it. It is the key to personal freedom. It opens the door to a new story being written… one in which you control your happiness. In this story, you view yourself with love and treat others with kindness. You show up as the best version of whatever story that YOU choose to tell.
Article by Rebecca Crowell
Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.
In a world that prioritizes a strong work ethic, success, and drive, it can feel challenging to say no. The dominant cultural narrative has been instilled in us from an early age. It celebrates competition and individualism, where upward mobility and economic success are the primary means of living a happy life.
It rarely is. Various areas of our lives require attention and care to feel truly content. These areas include relationships, physical health, finances, spirituality, leisure, work or school, and knowledge. If we are too hyper-fixated on one area of our well-being, there will be far less energy to attend to others. Being intentional in understanding which aspect of our life needs some extra care helps us discover what we need. When we are aware of our needs and have taken care of them, it’s easier to say yes. Then, we can take advantage of new opportunities with a genuine spirit.
Say no, it’s good for your well-being.
It’s frightening to say no. We may ‘people please’ and say yes even when we don’t want to. This often results in us becoming a pair of hands and finding ourselves stretched thin and stressed. We put personal needs on the back burner as we put others first. We do so because we fear we can’t sayno and want to be well-liked and perceived as considerate. The thing is, our energy isn’t fully in it if we fail to set healthy boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries is the key to a greater sense of confidence and internal freedom. If you can become more self-aware, it will be easier to communicate your thoughts, wants, and needs to others. If you feel burnt out from your work life and want to take time away from the office, set that boundary by discussing it with your supervisor. You may also need to say no to a friend’s invitation to an upcoming party because you know you need to prioritize self-care. Setting reasonable and healthy boundaries allows for less stress in the core areas of our lives.
Say no, it’s good for collaboration.
There are many ways one can say no assertively while remaining polite. According to Psychology Today, a helpful strategy for saying no is called the “sandwich method.” Let’s say you were invited to drinks after work with some co-workers, but you know you would feel better if you went home and caught up on sleep. You can kindly decline the invite by starting out and ending on a positive note. Thank them for including you, follow it with a no, and reschedule for next week. In this scenario, you assertively said no and still left feeling content about the relationships involved.
When partnering with others at work, consider contracting about what and how you work with each other. By reaching an agreement first, you and your coworker limit the risk of intentionally or unintentionally violating each other’s boundaries for a collaborative work relationship. “The business of the contracting phase,” says Peter Block in Flawless Consulting, “is to negotiate wants, cope with mixed motivation, surface concerns about exposure and loss of control, clarify the contract for all parties, and give affirmation.”
Say no, it’s good for the future.
It is possible to say no to provide a more meaningful yes in the future. Ultimately, we know ourselves better than anyone. By understanding when it’s necessary to say no, we are in direct recognition that “every one of our acts is a choice and that choice is free,” explains Block in Confronting Our Freedom: Leading a Culture of Chosen Accountability and Belonging, “then whenever we act consciously and deliberately, we also experience the core of our action the sense of free will. Mature and authentic individuals are fully conscious of the fact that they must choose.”
Article by Rebecca Crowell
Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.
Flawless Consulting® in Florida This September and October, take advantage of a special opportunity to join us in person for Flawless Consulting® Public Workshops in sunny Cape Canaveral, Florida. Have a blast on the Space Coast and experience learnings that will help you elevate your influence and launch partnerships that last. Part 1 – Sep. 10-11 / Part 2- Oct. 8-9 Sign up here.
Designed Learning at ATD24 Last month, the Designed Learning team attended ATD24 in New Orleans, bringing a refreshing return to authenticity amidst a sea of high-tech solutions. Through meaningful conversations, we shared our vision of humanizing the workplace and advocating for environments where relationships and compassion take center stage. The positive feedback we received reaffirmed the power of authenticity and connection. Read more reflections on our blog.
ATD’s Handbook for Consultants Whether you’re considering branching out on your own, struggling to keep your newly launched business afloat, or looking to take your consulting practice to the next level, this resource is for you. ATD’s Handbook for Consultants, edited by consulting powerhouse Elaine Biech, features two chapters by DL leadership, Peter Block and Beverly Crowell. Get your copy today.
In the works… Choosing Accountability workshop We’ve been hard at work designing a new learning experience to help you shift mindsets, confront freedom, and inspire chosen accountability. Stay tuned for more.
Last month, the Designed Learning team headed to New Orleans for ATD24. Our experience was a refreshing return to authenticity and genuine connection, even on an expo floor dominated by high-tech solutions and flashy displays. The Association for Talent Development’s annual international expo, held at the vibrant heart of the Big Easy, proved to be the ideal stage for us to showcase what truly matters—compassion, conversation, and humanity.
A Glimpse into ATD24
This year, the theme of ATD24 was “Recharge Your Soul,” and we did just that. For over 80 years, ATD24 has been a beacon for learning and development professionals. From its humble beginnings in Chicago in 1945, with just 56 attendees, in 2024, there were over 10,000 professionals from more than 80 countries. It was my first time experiencing this large-scale conference, and the energy was as overwhelming as it was inspirational. It was such a joy to be among those who came to discover the latest trends in the industry, unlock new tools and solutions, and network with peers committed to creating a better world through talent development.
Our Booth – Simplicity Meets Authenticity
Positioned right by the lunch area, which was an unexpected blessing, our booth stood out not because of any high-tech gadgets or elaborate displays but because of its simplicity and warmth. Visitors were greeted by four inviting little red cubes, perfect for small group conversations. If they wanted, they could pick up simple giveaways like stain-removing pens, mirrors, books, pens, and bookmarks—simple tools that reflect our commitment to practicality and thoughtfulness.
One visitor summed it up perfectly when she approached us simply because she liked our smiles. This interaction embodied our philosophy that true connection comes from authenticity and compassion—two of the key ingredients that it takes to “be flawless™,” as we always say in Flawless Consulting®.
Being A Model
Our presence at ATD24 wasn’t just about showcasing our solutions; it was about modeling the role that we want to play in the industry. We believe in humanizing the workplace and building communities that work for the common good of all. Our low-tech booth was a physical manifestation of these values. By stripping away the unnecessary frills, we aimed to create a space where real, meaningful conversations could take place.
We envision a world where workplaces prioritize what it means to be human, fostering environments where everyone feels valued and heard. This approach not only enhances productivity and innovation but also contributes to the overall well-being and influence of employees.
The Impact of Authentic Engagement
Throughout the conference, we engaged with numerous professionals who shared our vision. We discussed the importance of leadership, consulting, and workplaces that prioritize relationships. Our simple booth became a hub for exchanging ideas, sharing experiences with Peter Block’s books, and envisioning a future where work is more than just a means to an end—it’s a place where we can find meaning.
The feedback we received was overwhelmingly positive. Many attendees appreciated our approach, noting that it was a breath of fresh air, even if they had never heard of Peter Block or Flawless Consulting. Our presence at ATD24 reaffirmed that to be flawless (authentic, compassionate, and a model) resonates deeply among those who want to be part of workplaces that put people, and relationships first.
Souls Recharged
We left New Orleans with hearts full of hope and minds brimming with new ideas. ATD24 reinforced our commitment to inspiring transformation in the workplace, one conversation at a time. We invite you to join us on this journey. Let’s work together to create workplaces that allow us to reclaim our collective well-being and prioritize the relational side of work, fostering environments where everyone can thrive.
If you share our vision and want to learn more, reach out or check out our solutions.
The common good is not only about conserving the air, water, and land; it is also a transformative narrative that gives us the means to create a culture where citizens hold the capacity to collectively create what we most care about. The existing dominant narrative views the air, water, and land as economic opportunity and values individualism and worships theology of scale, speed, and convenience. It is based on our affection for competition.
An inevitable side effect of a culture of individualism, competition, and a limitless economy is the isolation and violence that we all view with concern. Isolation, or the loss of belonging, is the major challenge to the restoration of our humanity, whether in an organization, civic life, or a neighborhood. This isolation is an outcome of the story that in every domain of our interests and life, we are working and living within the context of scale, speed and convenience. This calls us to competition and leaving us on our own. It is up to me. This is re-reinforced by the consumer culture that cries out that what I have is not enough, therefore I am not enough.
The work in activating the common good creates an alternative where religion becomes more than converting the stranger and filling seats in the sanctuary. Education becomes more than each child’s race to the top. Health care becomes dependent on our connection with each other rather than the professional view that subtly holds each of us responsible for our own death and is about disease more than health. The most powerful driver of all is to realize we have options nearby to minimize the global, industrial, and information economy which equates well-being with income, regardless of whether you are rich or not.
The common good narrative is the option to the current narrative that gives first attention to the desire for infinite progress and control. All in the name of development and improvement––of the person, of the community, of nations. It is personified in Pharaoh in Old Testament times and elected officials, senior leadership, private equity and the corner office in modern times.
Our Witness the Common Good columns, pamphlets, podcasts, and learning offerings are an invitation to join the effort to honor and co-create another narrative, one where connection, care for the whole, and re-humanizing our way of existence are occurring in the world. We want to document the path toward an alternative dominant narrative, which can be called a common good narrative. This communal narrative can become our dominant story through what we call relational activism. This is the delivery system to support the strong foundation of traditional efforts and activism based on knowledge, science, and advocacy for the commons.
What we hope to produce here are more powerful ways employees, citizens, and neighbors can together be active and accountable in bringing this foundation into being.
Relational Activism
Specifically, we want to shift the way we bring people together to support the commons. Shorthand for what we care most about: the planet, youth, health, safety, livelihood, economic and racial justice, and vulnerable beings.
A first key step towards activating the common good is to shift where we put our attention. To re-decide who we treat as important in our efforts to create an alternative future. As long as we believe that those at the top –– in the corner office, in the academy and government and industry –– are essential to create real transformation, we are participating in the isolating, colonial, and individualistic way of operating that we are attempting to transform.
It is not that our top leaders do not have a desire to serve the common good, it is that they do not have the power or institutional capacity. We want to face the reality that the people who run things are seriously restrained in their ability to activate transformation. They spend a great deal of their time managing the news. And trying to meet the expectations of the people they purport to control.
Any narrative is given life by what we measure. Measurements are essential expressions of where we put our attention. When we measure income, scale, viral enthusiasm, gross domestic product, and retail sales, we are declaring that we will sacrifice most anything to see these numbers get larger. In a word, our current attention is on creating more, and more, and more, often called development. If we do not see the devastating impact of our societal commitment to the idea of development, then we are destined to care for the commons within a context that fundamentally undermines the finest of our efforts.
There is one book that captures this elegantly: The Future of Development: A Radical Manifesto by Gustavo Esteva, Salvatore J. Babones, and Philipp Babcicky. It defines the essence of development:
A controversial term that has meant different things in different eras but is usually used today to represent an industrialized, consumerist, materialist, and capitalist vision of economic and social success (158).
At the core of common good activism is a commitment to move in the following directions:
Make the shift from consumer to citizen. Become citizens organizing to produce what matters –– namely, our safety, raising a child, being healthy, making a living, caring for the planet, racial justice. All are within our own hands and reach. We are the system we came to change.
De-industrialize enterprise. Join the localization movement. Question the assumptions of speed, cost, and scale as being of inherent value. See globalization and foreign aid as the colonial and predatory strategies that they are. Make cooperative ventures, communal land, subsistence living the norm.
Measure our well-being by something other than goods and services. Trust in each other, enter into neighborly work that produces what matters. End the internalized specialized terms that keep us frozen: poverty, underdeveloped countries, annual income, Third World, undocumented worker, underserved neighborhoods. All commodify our neighbors and label them as needs. Focus, instead, on well-being measures and an inventory of gifts, not needs. In the words of Edgar Cahn, No More Throw-Away People.
Constrain privatization and affirm the original meaning of capitalism. Capitalism is to raise money for an enterprise from people other than those who create and manage it. Separate this from scarcity economics. Globalization. Stop using public money to create private wealth. Value the unpaid economy.
In organizations, honor the power of non-credentialed and non-titled people to produce the outcomes we care about. Accept the idea that the inmates run the prison. The total quality efforts of the 1980’s embody this, and it works. Make the protocols of relational activism the primary way we bring people together. Even in protest which makes a difference.
Social Capital and Communal Well-Being
In the civic arena, it is in neighborhoods and citizen associations where activating the Common Good has its greatest potential, and this is where the future is now occurring. Relational activism is about building relationships among citizens and employees. “Building social capital” is a shorthand term for this: ways of being together that produce chosen accountability focused on our individual and communal well-being.
Social capital and common good activism are not built on anger or speeches, but formed by using small groups and powerful questions to engage citizens and employees in producing an alternative future. Let people at the top and at distance do their jobs in peace and join.
We invite you to join us in bearing witness to the Common Good and the activism and efforts that align with it. Witness to what the church and faith community are doing. What new journalism is being produced. New economy, architecture, new paths to safety, health, education, care for the planet, racial justice, and belonging. New institutional forms. The future exists now, if we choose it and give it our attention.
If this resonates with you join us. If this does not resonate with you, join us. In the end, that is the point.
What if we worked with clients in ways that could better leverage our expertise, foster trust sooner, galvanize stronger commitment, and make consulting more rewarding? I find these outcomes more likely occur when I weave a safety net in asking clients for what I want and voice them during contracting conversations:
I want you to, at any time, talk with me about how we are working together. This simple yet powerful statement opens the choice for clients to speak authentically about what is important to them and what challenges they face—affirming that my relationship with the client is fundamental to solving the problem. I’m now on the hook for asking clients about their doubts and concerns, naming their resistance, ensuring they feel seen and heard, and expressing what they are doing that is useful to me.
I want you to talk to me first, before talking to my boss. Waste of time and erosion of trust occur when we go around instead of directly to sources. With a client’s agreement to #1 above, it makes sense that I be the one talked to first. I always explain that if they go to my boss about something I should hear, my boss will ask, “Have you talked to JP about this?” because my boss and I have made this same agreement.
I want you to make the decision when others on this project come to a standstill/impasse. In every project I’ve been a part of, people have gotten stuck. When that happens, this agreement reminds clients that the decision to get unstuck is theirs to make.
I want you to agree that I will conduct my own discovery to gain a clear picture of what’s going on. My unique value to the client is my ability to see clearly how the problem is being managed. Without my independent perspective of the underlying dimensions of the problem, I’m left solving only the technical/business aspect of the problem—the presenting problem. The resolution of the real problem requires a change in thinking and action on the part of the client. By looking at the problem in a way that the client can’t, I’m able to identify the impact that goals, processes, and relationships have on the problem—how they keep the presenting problem from being solved. Without this agreement, clients have every right to assume I’ll skip the Discovery and Feedback Phases and move directly into Implementation.
I want you to consider what role you need to play to bring about desired changes and how you may be contributing to the problem. This underscores why solving the presenting problem is not enough and invites our shared exploration. By encouraging early ownership and commitment, this minimizes surprises during feedback and points to what clients have the most control over. Rather than solving problems for clients, I set myself up to help clients solve problems themselves.
What I want from clients above stems from my consulting experiences and lessons learned. (Even today, what is challenging in a relationship can be attributed to what I have not asked for.) Although each relationship and project is unique, I voice this set during every contracting conversation to mitigate what I don’t want. These are in the interest of making sure the project is successful—not to satisfy my own personal whims and wishes. What would it sound like to state clearly and simply what you want from a client?
As humans, our reactions are strongly influenced by the environment we inhabit, and the same holds true for our clients. Without a safety net, we risk doing to the client as an expert or doing for the client as a pair of hands. What’s possible when, as Flawless Consultants, our decisions are grounded in the security of our safety net? By fostering an environment of relatedness and connection, we offer insurance for working with our clients, allowing our expertise to shine. What does your safety net of wants look like?
