By Peter Block

Gift:

A natural ability or talent.

A thing willingly given to someone without payment.

Success at building strong communities and organizations is accelerated when we focus on and give full expression to our gifts and the gifts of others. This is in contrast to the more common practice of focusing on what is missing and needs to be fixed.

Giving full expression to our gifts requires us to know what they are, in specific terms. It is a challenge to own them and treat them as if they are important. This is difficult because at the moment I own my gifts, I become accountable for their application. So, we often turn our attention to deficiencies, which demand little of us other than an apology and an improvement plan.  

Gifts come to life when we choose to tell others the gifts we are receiving from them at the moment, not yesterday or what is hoped for tomorrow. And, when we invite others to tell us what gifts they receive from us this time we are together. Awkward? Yes. Impactful? Yes.

For this to occur we choose to operate within a context where gifts are central, primary, the point. We choose not to treat a discussion of gifts as being self-centered or useful only on occasion.  

The dominant contemporary context gives great importance to deficiencies, problems, self-improvement. Our consumer culture attends to what is missing in us, what we might become. Otherwise, we would only buy what we needed. What we are not in the habit of practicing is a conversation about gifts that are exchanged in the normal course of being together. The dominant culture does not see recognition of gifts –– our own and those of others –– as the essence of producing outcomes and of connection, belonging, and making a place better, whether a home, a workplace, a neighborhood, a council meeting, a town hall meeting, a garden or book or dog club.

Our purpose here is to encourage and underline the importance of naming gifts as a routine practice. Plus, to detail what the conversation looks like.

Our Current Habits  

Naming gifts is most often saved for a special occasion. This is where we see three conversational gift habits:

1. On Departure. Retirement and death are the established occasions when we talk about a person’s gifts. In the case of death, it is called a eulogy. In this moment, we will be forgiven. People will express their gratitude towards us and say what they will miss. People will describe what was unique and special about us. Unfortunately, we are likely to miss the conversation. And by just a few days.
   
   At retirement or leaving the workplace, same conversation. We get to listen to this one.  We will hear their gratitude. Our unique capacities. What is special about us. Unfortunately, this conversation occurs on our way out. We are gone tomorrow.  Plus, the occasion only occurs a few times in our lifetime.
   
2. Personality Analysis and Self-Improvement. We have written tests for assessing and giving meaning our gifts. FIRO-B tells me about my leanings toward control, inclusion, and affection. Myers-Briggs lets me know I am an INFJ. Introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. Positive psychology helps us focus on our strengths and how to build them. Social-emotional training develops and indexes our path to relational maturity. Performance reviews are another common habit where our pluses and minuses are discussed. Therapy is also a prevalent practice.  
   
3. Victory.  When we win, our gifts are celebrated. Best in class. Sports achievements. Promotions. Awards. Grades. The message here is that acknowledging our gifts has to be earned.

Add No. 4: Exchanging Gifts as a Regular Relational Practice

As we seek connection and belonging or an alternative future, naming the gifts we have received from one another each time we are together is a powerful practice. It deserves to be ranked up there with Robert’s Rules of Order in the public sector, and PowerPoint presentations, updates, and staff meetings everywhere else. We can be very specific about what this would look like. To create the context for the gifts conversation, there are some distinctions that are useful.

• Gifts vs Strengths. There is a distinction between stating what gifts I have received from someone on this occasion and a discussion of a person’s strengths. It is not our task to analyze or name what others are good at. Strengths are an abstraction and prone to projections. The word “strength” also brings the presence of weakness into play.  We want to tell people what difference they made, not what strengths they possess.

• Being Enough vs Needing Improvement. The gifts conversation as envisioned here is not about self-improvement. Self-improvement functions out of a context that something more being needed. It is a useful industry, but its larger context is that we are not yet enough. Advice is needed, and there is always work to be done. Still, there is something twisted when we take on the responsibility of helping the other become a better person. It is a colonial practice, packaged as mentoring and generosity.   

The context for building successful communities and organizations begins with the stance that we are enough. Period. What builds a better world is to create ways of acknowledging and amplifying the fact that each person has all that is needed. This begins with seeing our gifts clearly so they can be amplified. This is what creates agency and accountability.

The Practice of the Gifts Conversation

The gifts conversation is powerful when we decide that exchanging gifts for its own sake is essential. The intent is to learn what action I am taking –– now, in this moment –– has value and meaning for the people in the room and the purpose of our gathering. Naming this teaches each what to focus on and shifts the energy and potential for all in the room.  

Here are the practices that build a gift-minded way of being. This conversation occurs in the middle or the end of every gathering.

Practice One: When you choose to describe a gift you have received 

1. Focus on the conversation you just had. Pick a person. Name names: Sally, Lopez, Derek … Say: I want to say something to you. State the gift you received. For example: You listened. You surprised me. You were vulnerable. Your way of thinking added something new.  You named your doubts. You bring a quiet warmth to the discussion. You shared an experience close to mine. I have seen you around but never got to know you.
2. State why their action matters to you. Example: This matters because … it is rare for me to be with someone who does not have something in mind for me. Also, I am usually very cautious, and I wasn’t cautious in this conversation. I thought I was alone and something was wrong with me. I discovered that is not so. Your presence with me told me I was not crazy. 

Practice Two: When someone says something nice to you

1. Say: Thank you. I like hearing that. Do not respond in kind. Do not be humble. Do not tell a story about your struggles, how your sibling is better at this. How you got lucky this time. How the other person brought it out of you. Do not deflect the attention. Courage is required to take it in without reshaping it with history, explanation, or humility. Thank you. I like hearing that. Pause. Inhale.   
2. Speak to the person who named a gift of yours just now and share what that means to you. You might say that connecting with strangers is not easy for you. This moment is an antidote to your impatience for a to-do list and you find it challenging to simply connect with others for its own sake. You like to control things, and this moment is an example of knowing you are capable of just being present for another. Or you tend to think your ideas are too radical; it is good knowing they might have more value than you realized.
3. Ask: Is there anything else in our conversation that made a difference for you?  
4. Repeat: Thank you. I like hearing that.
5. The purpose is to accelerate connection and value it as the necessary path to outcomes, learning, and accountability. An alternative future is based on this.    
6. Remember the conversation about you at the moment has a larger purpose: to deepen your connection with all who are on the call or in the room. Also, it affirms a context of our being enough. It also is of value to others who witness this moment.

Practice Three: When someone leaves early  

The gifts conversation is also useful for small departures, moments more frequent than death and retirement. This is when someone has to leave a gathering early. Instead of sneaking out at the break or when no one is looking, we take a moment with the one who is leaving to value the fact they showed up. This expresses appreciation for the time the person was present. This serves to complete the circle in the absence of the person leaving. Even if they said nothing all day.

1. The process is for the convener to ask for any three people in the room to share with the person leaving: Here is a gift I received from you as a result of you being part of this today.
2. Next is for the departing person to state what gifts they have received as a result of being there.  

One More Thought   

The point is to put gifts on the agenda in as many ways as possible. This recognizes that asking what we can do better next time has limits; it reinforces the idea that focusing on what is not working takes us somewhere. Start the gifts conversation, which declares we have agency for this event, with a question halfway through a gathering: Are you getting what you came for? This gives time to act, together, on getting what we came for. Surveying participants after the event is a nice gesture but treats people as consumers giving feedback, not as creators of the time we spent together.  

Thanks for Reading

One purpose of every convening is to give form to the world and culture we want to inhabit. This happens when we reshape small and important elements of convening. The questions we ask and the way we convene are what creates a future we do not have to wait for.  Focusing on gifts as one category of meeting design enables us to believe that all we need for transformation or shift is present in this room. Something or someone more is not required for authentic change to occur.

Full Disclosure

I was in a day-long gathering recently and I had to leave early. I had led the morning session but would be gone for the afternoon.

It occurred to me that maybe I should treat my early leaving as a rare moment where I choose to practice what I preach. Before we broke for lunch, I told the group what the three gifts were that I had received from them in our time together.

I then nervously asked in a whisper, what gifts had they received from me? I know what the process is. See practice No. 3 above. I just am not in the habit of following it.  

For the next fifteen minutes, I heard from people I have known and cared about for a long while, years in many cases, and from others whom I had just met. They were specific in describing what my work had meant to them in the past and the gift of how I had been with them in the gathering that morning.  

In hearing what impacts I have had on their practices, in addition to being appreciated, I received insights into the detail and texture of what words and actions of mine had meaning to them. Most were surprises. They mentioned certain times we had been together.  They talked about shifts in their thinking. Ways they had transformed their own practice. Ways they had received value from my words that I could not have known without this conversation.  

In those ten minutes, I was given –– in a way that surprised me –– the gift of being present in a premature version of my own eulogy. I received the gifts and experienced the discomfort of having to exhale into the realization that the work I have committed to makes a difference. That moment answered questions and doubts that haunt us all. It happened not as the point of our gathering, or as a learning opportunity, but as a footnote to the bigger reason for us to gather.

This is what the gifts conversation offers each time. A small metaphor of what will restore our humanity in the face of a commodifying culture. We may still leave the meeting with a list of what to do, but we will hold it lightly, knowing it was really not the point.

Thank you. If anything here means something to you, I like hearing that.    

It has been over two weeks since I returned from this year’s China OD Practitioner (CODP) Conference held on November 16-17, yet the impact of the event still lingers on my mind. I am deeply moved by the overwhelming feedback shared by participants, especially their reflections from a talk given by Peter Block, which was streamed via video.

Some Background

The CODP Conference is an annual gathering organized by the Innovative OD Center (IOC), an OD training and consulting firm based in Shanghai. This event fosters connections among OD practitioners in China and helps them share best practices, learn new perspectives, and deepen their sense of community.

The gathering of this year had a special significance as it was a celebration of the 10^th anniversary of IOC’s most foundational program, the Competencies in OD Certificate Program. Close to 80 graduates participated in this gathering, representing about one-third of all alumni. As a graduate of the 10^th OD Certificate Program, I am lucky to be one part of this growing community. 

The “Encounter”

Peter Block’s name is familiar to everyone in this community as his book, Flawless Consulting (3^rd edition) has been one of the two pre-reading books for the OD Certificate Program in the past decade. However, the conference was first time that the participants finally “met” Peter, albeit virtually, through a 26-minute video excerpt from a recent 80-minute Zoom interview conducted by IOC.

The video played on Day 2 of the conference during a session focused on envisioning the community’s next 10 years. Peter’s insights addressed profound and wide-ranging topics:

• The essence and value of OD in a world of uncertainty and change
• Bringing authenticity into organizations often dominated by the “head” rather than the “heart”
• His journey to becoming a Master of OD
• Transitioning from organizational to community-focused work
• Shifting people’s mindsets from being consumers to becoming co-owners of their communities

The Gifts

Unexpectedly, watching a short video recording turned out to be the highlight of the conference. In the small groups that were convened immediately after watching the video, many participants shared that they were deeply touched and inspired. In the WeChat group for the conference, many shared similar reflections.

The momentum continued even after the conference was finished. I saw many participants posting photos of Peter on video in their WeChat Moments, together with the lines that struck them most.

Here are just a few of the lines shared:

• “The essence of OD is that relationship and our connection to each other is what produces outcomes.”
• “OD is…confronting people with their gifts, confronting with what you want to bring to this place.”
• “We’re not trying to protest or change anyone. We’re looking for people looking for us.”
• “When you choose to treat people as subjects rather than objects, you’re going to feel lonely. And that’s why we need each other.”
• “You’re not trying to convince anybody. You’re an invitation. You’re not a mandate.” 
• “That’s the magnet you are and the container you are for your culture.”
• “Leadership is to step into an uncertain future, to believe and face ourselves that we can create the future, even though we can’t predict it.”
• “The future always exists in the present.”

Meaningful Reflections

With curiosity, I asked some of the participants, “What made those particular words meaningful to you?” Here are some of their responses:

• “Our work of HR and OD treats ‘people’ as the end instead of the mean. However, we often feel lonely and frustrated, because most people around us are focusing on the ‘things’ only. And I feel greatly comforted by Peter’s words that we just need to look for people looking for us.” (Leslie, an HR leader of a new energy automotive company)
• “Treating people as subjects instead of objects is so important for our time. Nobody can be all-powerful, and we need everyone to be agent and give full play to our creativity.” (Jinfeng, a former sales leader of a bio-pharmaceutical company.)  
• “Peter talks about the essence of OD and community in such simple but powerful words. And his way of talking just demonstrates authenticity. This encourages us as OD practitioners to trust and confront ourselves–we can create the world we want to inhabit.” (Victoria, an independent EQ and leadership coach, and OD consultant.)     
• “Everyone is trying to make a change, and the change does not happen in the future but starts from now. And my reflection is how I can become to be the magnet and the container for that change.” (Wing, OD Head of a chain catering enterprise.)

Immediate Application

One outcome that was particularly inspiring to me was an action immediately taken by the Dream Team responsible for co-designing the conference made up of six volunteers from the OD practitioner community. Vera, one of the Dream Team members and an OD consultant of IOC, shared with me:

“I heard Peter talking about the subtle differences of questions, and I suddenly realized that our questions designed for collecting participants’ feedback on the conference were all ‘consumer’ questions, for example, ‘What attracted you to the conference?’ and “What is your takeaway from the conference?’ I discussed this with the rest of the team, and we immediately decided to change them to ‘ownership’ questions- ‘What intention did you bring to the conference?’ ‘Did you realize your intention?’”

Gratitude

As Maria Wang, the founder of IOC, reflected, “Peter’s presence made a difference to the conference. His words evoked and provoked a lot of thinking and reflections on OD and community. They are such precious gifts to our conference participants.”

Thank you, Peter, for the abundant gifts you brought to OD practitioners in China. Your words continue to inspire, guide, and elevate this community.

Article written by Mei Hong

In every aspect of our lives, we make agreements with other people, from day-to-day decisions like where to go to dinner to monumental topics like how we want to achieve our strategic/life goals together. 

We are often disappointed with the results no matter what kind of agreements we make. The other person doesn’t follow through, and I fully understand the changes I would have to make, so I don’t follow through. Even when we do both follow through, we often still don’t meet each other’s expectations. 

When I reflect on the agreements that were not effective for me, I realize there was some level of ambiguity present.  We tend to agree to things at a high level without getting very specific. 

Ambiguity is the enemy of good agreements.

Why do we choose to be ambiguous?  Yes, it is a choice.  It may not be a conscious choice, but it is a choice.  One reason may be that if I stay at a high level, it is easier to get someone’s agreement.  Without specifics, there is less risk. 

In Flawless Consulting®, we talk about sharing our “technical” wants (What are we going to do together?. We also share our relational wants (How are we going to work together?). 

Both technical and relational wants are important ingredients for a good agreement.  However, if I’m too ambiguous, we still won’t be effective with each other.  

An example of an ambiguous technical want is when I ask you to meet with me regularly to share the status of a project. That is relatively easy to agree to. However, if I ask you to meet with me for 30 minutes every Wednesday at 10:00 a.m., that might need some negotiation. The latter is more specific and will help us reach a deal that works for both of us.

For a vague relational want, I might ask you for your support on a project.  Again, it is easy to say yes.  It also is so ambiguous that neither one of us will be satisfied.  We didn’t really agree to anything.  At best, you will support me in the way you want to. And, it may or may not align with what I want.  Most likely, it won’t align.  I need to be more specific in my initial ask. 

A great antidote to an ambiguous agreement is to ask yourself, “What would it look like?’  In this example, instead of asking for support, I would ask myself, “What would it look like if you were supporting me?”  To get more specific and less ambiguous, I could ask you to introduce me to your team and be an advocate for our project.  Again, this might take some more time to negotiate, but in the end, we will build a much more effective relationship by being specific.  Specificity is the antidote to ambiguous agreements.

I have found that the relational elements of an agreement are the hardest to get specific about. I am more comfortable asking for support, collaboration, partnership, buy-in, sponsorship, etc., but I am less comfortable describing what each of these would look like. We end up with poor agreements because we don’t get specific. 

So, if you find yourself frustrated with one of your relationships, reflect on how specific you were when you asked them for something.  If you were ambiguous, re-negotiate the agreement with specifics.

Ambiguity is the poison for good agreements, and specificity is the antidote.

Article by Jeff Evans

Learn more about making good agreements here.

Consulting isn’t just about offering expertise—it’s about building authentic relationships and fostering trust.

That’s one of the most important of the many insights from Peter Block’s Flawless Consulting: A Guide to Getting Your Expertise Used, a book that has transformed the way countless individuals and organizations think about the role of consultants. But, here’s the key takeaway: this approach doesn’t only apply to consultants—it’s relevant to anyone who needs to work in collaboration. And it’s the backbone of our most popular workshop.

The Humanity in Consulting

What makes the promise of Flawless Consulting so unique and effective is its emphasis on partnership over expertise. Too often, consultants focus solely on delivering technical solutions; this is where they get stuck. The reality is that people choose to work with you based on how they make you feel- facing that reality is key to success.

As Peter Block emphasizes in all of his work, the real challenge is creating relationships that lead to long-term change.

The Power of Authentic Conversations

At the core of this approach are authentic conversations. These conversations are about wants, expectations, risks, resistance, and trust. In the workshop, we guide participants through strategies for having candid dialogue that allows both consultants and clients to operate in transparency when working together.

“Being right is not enough. You need enough leverage to have your point of view considered.”

Peter Block, Flawless Consulting.

From Expertise to True Partnership

One of the biggest mistakes a consultant can make is assuming that expertise alone will lead to success. The truth is that expertise without partnership rarely drives sustainable outcomes. Being a flawless consultant isn’t just about problem-solving; it’s about co-creating solutions with the people we serve.

 In our Flawless Consulting® workshop, participants dive deep into shifting from merely a pair-of-hands or experts to a true partnership. This is a vital shift that makes all the difference. Even if clients don’t know it yet, they prefer a partner over someone who simply tells them how to fix things. When consultants come in with band-aid solutions, it typically means the client will have to eventually engage another one. Why? To come in and clean things up because the solutions the former offered didn’t last.

Why People Keep Choosing Flawless Consulting

Clients continue to choose the Flawless Consulting workshop because it offers more than just technical training. It equips people with the ability to influence, create meaningful change, and deliver results that last.

Through flawless principles, our workshop teaches professionals how to step into true collaboration, ensuring that the client and consultant contribute equally to the process. Our approach is experiential, grounded in real-world applications, and designed to shift mindsets. The learnings stick.

If you’re ready to move beyond transactional consulting and embrace a deeper, more meaningful way to work with clients, colleagues, and bosses, we invite you to join us for our next Flawless Consulting workshop. You’ll not only dive into the principles from Peter Block’s timeless book but also experience the transformative power of partnership in action.

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What people are saying about Flawless

“I have been a ‘student’ of Peter Block and his work for some time.  His philosophy and approach have shaped my own in my work.  I ‘got’ Flawless. And then I took the course. Through the excellent facilitation and exploratory discussions with classmates, the concepts found in the book took on new meaning. I developed a deeper and broader understanding of how to approach a consulting project, from relationship-with-the-client formation to determining the real issues to address and my role in doing so.  Methodologies were introduced that are invaluable. The book is still important and in a league of its own.  The class adds layers of value and is outstanding for becoming a truly exceptional consultant.”

Robin LeBlanc

Thirteen years ago, I joined Designed Learning as an independent contractor to assist in marketing and sales. I knew absolutely nothing about Designed Learning, Flawless Consulting, or Peter Block. I knew even less about setting strategic vision and its importance to organizational effectiveness.

So, What’s the Point?

Learning the skills to avoid siloed work environments and embrace collaboration within the entire organization is essential to successful outcomes. Setting strategic vision includes establishing realistic goals and working with others — fully utilizing the expertise of all.  It is also about communicating effectively, developing working agreements across organizational boundaries, and solving problems long term. The results include increased job satisfaction, employee commitment, and bottom-line improvement.

Setting strategic vision means learning to convene others in a way that quickly builds connection and trust. It creates a personal view that you are part of something larger than yourself, the people you work with directly every day or a single client. You learn to look beyond the immediate and begin to hold yourself accountable, voluntarily committing to the well-being of the whole.  Acquiring these valuable skills will ensure that every project and conversation moves the organization forward in a positive direction.

How It’s Done

Flawless Consulting® develops tools that enable participants to be more strategic in their thinking and more effective at solving problems. These essential skills include:

• How to recognize resistance in your clients and learn a technique to move forward effectively.
• How to be assertive.
• How to probe for underlying issues.
• How to deliver feedback in a way that honors the client but challenges them to act.

During the experience, participants practice in real time the skills needed to have their expertise used. Every phase is discussed and practiced ensuring that no phase is skipped or ignored for the sake of expediency.

The first and most critical phase of Flawless Consulting is Contracting. Contracting is about building trust, exchanging wants and offers, and deciding what you’re going to do together and how you’re going to do it. In other words, establishing a working agreement. The success of the entire project and the decision to act and implement a lasting solution is incumbent on this initial phase.

During Flawless Consulting, participants also learn what role they typically choose as a consultant and partner: Expert, Pair of Hands or Collaborative.  

The skills learned in Flawless Consulting are essential in setting a strategic vision. Putting them into practice means ensuring that every person’s expertise is fully utilized, accountability and commitment are chosen, and individual success is achieved. More importantly, Flawless Consulting creates a culture of collaboration, sets strategic vision, and ensures the health and success of the whole.

Article by Chris Witt

In our pursuit of more equitable, sustainable, and community-oriented systems, we often overlook a crucial element: how we come together. At Designed Learning®, we believe that the way we convene can be as transformative as the work itself. Our “Leader as Convener” program offers a paradigm shift in how we perceive and address societal issues, reimagining leadership for the common good.

This approach advocates for reimagining our relationships with human capital, natural resources, financial systems, and social connections. It calls for an end to commodifying humanity, a renewed respect for nature, a reevaluation of financial practices, and the building of social capital through trust and citizen engagement.

Whether you’re an impact investor, a foundation catalyzing systemic change, or an NGO empowering communities, the way you bring people together matters. Traditional hierarchical leadership often falls short in addressing complex, interconnected challenges. Leader as Convener offers a new perspective, emphasizing focusing on gifts rather than deficiencies, possibilities over problem-solving, and balancing covenants with well-structured contracts to ensure both relational trust and clear expectations.

Envision meetings where power dynamics are neutralized, every voice is heard, and authentic commitment replaces lip service. Picture conversations that move beyond problem-solving to possibility thinking, where diverse strengths are recognized and leveraged. This is the essence of our program.

Leader as Convener equips leaders with skills to facilitate Six Conversations That Matter®:

1. Possibility: Shifting from problems to potential
2. Ownership: Moving from blame to accountability
3. Dissent: Encouraging healthy disagreement
4. Commitment: Transforming intentions into action
5. Gifts: Utilizing diverse strengths
6. Invitation: Extending genuine, inclusive calls to participate

This approach encourages leadership by convening and motivating citizens to actively participate in shaping their communities and narratives. For those in urban development, manufacturing, or sustainability, it boosts collaboration with diverse stakeholders, fostering inclusive decision-making for economic development and business associations. Academic institutions studying sustainable development gain a new perspective for effective community engagement. In large corporations, this approach shifts traditional hierarchies to more collaborative environments, enabling managers to facilitate meaningful conversations, foster team ownership, and ensure all voices are heard. This results in greater employee engagement, improved decision-making, and innovative problem-solving.

This program isn’t just about improving meetings; it’s about transforming how we work together to create change. It’s about building trust, fostering belonging, and creating conditions for true collaboration and innovation. By focusing on gifts and possibilities, we can create a more inclusive and sustainable future.

As we face unprecedented challenges in creating equitable and sustainable systems, we need new ways of leading and convening. Leader as Convener offers a path forward, helping us harness our collective wisdom and power to create the future we envision. It’s a call to action for all of us to rethink our roles in society and at work, and how we can contribute to positive change.

Article by Derek Peebles.

Learn more about Leader As Convener by downloading this free eBook by Peter Block.

 “Resistance is not only predictable and natural; it is a necessary part of the learning process.”  – Peter Bock, Flawless Consulting: A Guide to Getting Your Expertise Used

When it comes to your ideas and beliefs that you hold, it can be challenging to take a step back and see your views clearly. As humans, we feel most at peace when we stay in our comfort zone. When you are around new people, places and are introduced to concepts that seem completely different from your own, you may initially resist accepting these things. Change is something that many people have a challenging time receiving as it requires us to adjust our habits. These routine behaviors and preferences make us feel secure because we know their patterns and how they will inevitably make us feel. 

We all face hardships and obstacles in our lives that cause us to be discouraged. We resist negative psychological pain to keep going. It is normal to deny these unfavorable feelings because we believe that it will be better for our mental health in the long term; this is rarely the case. In fact, this suppression of uncomfortable emotions will cause a greater blow back in the end. If you learn to accept how you’re feeling, rather than resisting what makes you uncomfortable, you become free of fear.

Through this learning process, you will gain awareness of how you subconsciously think and feel. To be an individual who is self-aware is a double-edged sword. While you can consciously understand the patterns you display, you may also get invested in analyzing these behaviors. It’s important to focus on the positive change that can take place, rather than drowning in pessimistic introspection. You must be intentional with being a more open-minded person to grow.

Take it Easy – Manage Your Resistance

Peter Block tells us that, “If things are not going well, I am a player in them not going well. So, I must ask myself, what’s my contribution to the difficulty I am experiencing with the world?” Through this process of self-analyzing, you can uncover your underlying doubts, insecurities, and fears that are holding you back. Effective change for yourself can happen at a more accelerated pace as you are clear on what you are resisting.

According to Psychology Today, you can begin to accept resistance as a good thing when you become aware of your mental and physical state, and the thoughts that accompany this. Try selecting one day out of your week to purposefully check in with how you react to certain things you encounter. If you experience any resistance, choose to relax your body and mind instead. You may take a few deep breaths or focus on a happy thought. Through deliberate practice in understanding your resistance to yourself and others better, you will automatically live a more peaceful life.  

Article by Rebecca Crowell

Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.

“The goal is to balance a life that works with a life that counts.” – Peter Block, The Answer to How is Yes.

If you want to live a healthy life that benefits your mind, body, and spirit, then it’s important to be intentional about incorporating balance in all areas of your life. Balancing your responsibilities and roles as an individual can feel especially overwhelming when there’s little to no time to put aside during your daily routine.

Workplace stress is rampant, so it’s vital to monitor our mental health to effectively represent ourselves to our co-workers, our employers, and ourselves. Research from the World Health Organization states that 83% of US workers suffer from work-related stress, and 54% of workers report that work stress affects their home life.

Many of us prioritize competing deadlines, attending meetings, and working overtime to feel accomplished in the workplace. It feels rewarding to put all our energies into our careers so we may thrive and advance in our respected companies, but this comes with a cost. If your work-life balance is off-kilter, your mental health will start to decline, and inevitable stress will ensue.

The first step to feeling more fulfilled and at peace is knowing whether your work-life balance is healthy or unhealthy. You may think that overtime and endless hours of work are normal. However, if they’re becoming an issue for your health, it’s vital to address them. The Mental Health Foundation suggests five steps for addressing your work-life balance situation.

How to Find Balance:

1. First, ask yourself what is causing your stress and how it affects your work and personal life.
2. After addressing the cause, sit with those feelings. Are you angry with your situation now? Confused?
3. Next, you’ll become more proactive by brainstorming ways to reduce your stress. Could you come home early one night a week to spend time with your family? Reprioritizing what’s important to you in the current moment will leave you feeling more at peace.
4. After considering a few alternatives, consider how your work could accommodate these priorities. Then, you should speak up about these concerns and ideas for change with your employers.
5. The last step is to follow through with making these changes. When talking with your boss, try asking for more flexible hours, remote work, or adjusting your designated days off. Contract on what you want or don’t, and work to reach an agreement that works for all.

“Choosing to act on what matters is the choice to live a passionate existence, which is anything but controlled and predictable,” says Peter Block in The Answer to How is Yes. “It is the challenge to acknowledge that just because something works, it doesn’t mean that it matters.” He asserts that a “life that matters is captured in the word yes,” where yes expresses our willingness to claim our freedom and use it to be a “player instead of a spectator to our own experience.”

Our mental health is indispensable; living a life that counts means prioritizing it effectively. It is “being a player in our own experience,” dedicating time towards our relationships with family and friends, leisure activities, and spaces outside of the workplace to reduce the burden that work may bring where winning back the practical balance of our life allows us to say yes to being more present and finding joy during our busy routines.

Article by Rebecca Crowell

Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.

“All we have to do to create the future is to change the nature of our conversations, to go from blame to ownership, from bargaining to commitment, and from problem-solving to possibility.” – Peter Block, Community: The Structure of Belonging.

We all have our inner critic—that voice that accompanies us throughout our day and interprets what we experience. This voice can be positive or negative, depending on our circumstances and how we navigate them. Unfortunately, we are more often drawn toward negative self-talk and thinking as we continuously face our fears and insecurities.

Everyday stressors can lead us to create a pessimistic narrative about our lives. When the obstacles we face are overwhelming and seem impossible to overcome, it becomes easy to feel shame, self-doubt, and negativity.

On the other hand, our inner critic can be a powerful ally if we engage in positive self-talk. We can choose to own our emotions and act towards increasing self-worth. Then, we empower ourselves to take control of our lives.

Becoming a friend to your Inner Critic

If you want to change the nature of your conversations with yourself, there are a few things you can try:

1) First, pay attention to how you speak to yourself.

The voice in your mind combines your conscious and unconscious thoughts and beliefs, either positive or negative.

2) Become aware of when you are kind to yourself.

Reaffirm possibilities like, ‘I can accomplish this’ or ‘I am capable.’ This will help you focus on being more intentional with positive thinking, and with practice and time, productive thinking like this will become second nature.

Recognize when you’re engaging in negative self-talk, like ‘I can’t do this’ or other thoughts accompanying feelings of doubt. Acknowledging when we’re actively engaging in harsh self-talk is a powerful step forward in reframing how we speak to ourselves and remaining present for future situations.

3) Think in Third-Person

Instead of thinking in the first person, replace the “I” in your inner monologue with your first name. According to an article in Psychology Today, this allows you to detach from the power of your thoughts. The space from those emotions decreases the possibility of overthinking and ruminating on negative beliefs.

Negative self-talk is, well, negative. We are our biggest critics of how we perform at work, how we treat our families and friends, and how we treat ourselves. It’s called the negativity bias, and we are naturally more susceptible to negative information and can more easily become addicted to it. So, while many of these thoughts and beliefs are untrue, reframing our mindsets into thinking positively about ourselves and others is much harder once we engage in negativity.

Creating a positive future is different from defining one. If we want to change how we engage with ourselves, we must shift our thinking and speak by focusing on possibilities, commitment, and ownership, not blame, bargaining, and problem-solving. Nurture your gifts, introduce loving self-talk, and change the nature of your conversations to usher in a newfound internal freedom.

Article by Rebecca Crowell

Rebecca Crowell is a Designed Learning intern and graduate of Social Sciences at the University of Central Florida. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Stetson University in Deland, FL.