Tag: Client Resistance

Another Look at Resistance

Posted on by Maya Mehta

In any conversation with clients, there are concerns that are rarely discussed. These doubts vary in intensity with their perceived risk and loss of control; they are personal to the individual and the situation—they are not the same for everyone.

Doubts and concerns get expressed through different behaviors. You see them as:

  • direct statements;

  • indirect expressions;

  • wrong questions; or

  • wanting proof, a promise, or power before committing to a course of action.

At the heart of these expressions are emotional harsh realities—the real doubts, concerns, or fears that the client has about the project or whatever you are discussing. These are expressions of refusal without actually saying “No.”

They are nature’s way of telling you something important is going on! They are signs of change and learning. They are not to be overcome, but to be understood and expressed. Don’t take them personally. That will only get in the way of your dealing with them effectively.

These doubts and concerns are not legitimate objections. Objections are generally logical.

The general techniques for addressing objections—making the business case; giving more proof; bartering; talking about features, benefits, and advantages—will not address the concerns . . . they usually make it worse! In these conversations, we are faced with two internal struggles: the client’s and ours.

The Client’s Internal Struggle:

  •  “Often when we’re talking, I will have concerns about what we’re discussing.

  • For me to tell you my doubts, I need to know that it’s safe for me to talk.

  • Deep inside, I worry that if I tell you my doubts, you’ll judge me, condemn me, expose me—and this puts me at risk. 

  • When I am at risk, I feel vulnerable and can get hurt.

  • If I think I’ll get hurt, I‘ll act to protect myself.

  • I protect myself by trying to control the conversation and limiting your choices and actions.”

The Client’s Hope: to keep the conversation comfortable by not talking about my concerns.

The Consultant’s Internal Struggle:

  • “Often when we’re talking, your behaviors suggest that you may have concerns about what we’re discussing.

  • For me to let you talk about your doubts, I need to know that it’s safe for me to ask.

  • Deep inside, I worry that if I confront your doubts, you’ll become angry with me, yell at me, threaten me—and this puts me at risk. 

  • When I am at risk, I feel vulnerable and can get hurt.

  • If I think I’ll get hurt, I‘ll act to protect myself.

  • I protect myself by offering a more compelling business case, bartering, going along, or withdrawing.”

The Consultant’s Hope: to keep the conversation comfortable by not confronting your behaviors.

This struggle is self-defeating. To break the cycle, the consultant needs to choose to confront what’s going on and create a safe space for the client to talk. To do this, we can:

1. Take the client’s side by listening, being patient, and seeking understanding.

2. Recognize the behaviors and not taking them personally.

3. Suspend our judgment by not interpreting the behaviors.

4. Choose to change the conversation that follows.

5. Ask questions of curiosity about their concerns instead of giving advice.

6. Act with courage.

I’d love to hear about your Resistance stories. Drop me a note. Let me know how it’s going.

Charles L Fields was a highly acclaimed Senior Consultant at Designed Learning and a lover of life. He traveled the world by car, rail, plane, and ship, watched the sunrise on Croagh Patrick, and set on Victoria Peak, weathered a perfect storm in the Pacific, bartered for a darbuka in the Grand Bazaar, prayed at Lord Nelson’s Sarcophagus, ate lunch in the oldest restaurant in the world. His prolific and thought-provoking writing contributed to the design and re-design of many DL products, including Flawless Consulting, Empowerment, and Stewardship. Charlie shared his passion for this body of work in over 25 countries. His impact is a blessing.

The No-Judgment Zone

Posted on by Maya Mehta

Jiddu Krishnamurti, an Indian philosopher, speaker, and writer said, “The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” It’s an ability we talk about often in Flawless Consulting when learning how to deal with resistance in our client relationships.

Observation is the action or process of observing something or someone carefully in order to gain information. It is a statement based on something one has seen, heard, or noticed. Evaluation is altogether different. It is the making of a judgment about the amount, number, or value of something—an assessment. The time between observation and evaluation is seconds but the impact can be monumental.

At any point in our consulting process with a client, resistance is likely to happen. Dealing with such resistance may not be easy, but we’ve learned it can be simple. The key is leveraging the difference between observation and evaluation.

First, let’s talk about what resistance may look like in a client.

Some examples may include silence, interrupting, changing the topic, asking excessive questions, checking the time, stone-walling, arriving late, leaving early or even proclaiming, “We’ve always done it this way.” When hit with these various forms of resistance, it can be very easy to jump immediately into our own evaluation of what we believe their resistance must really mean. Flawless Consultants learn to come to a full-stop of our innate jump to judgment.

We do this by understanding what is behind the resistance and seek to get to the heart of what’s really going on.

Resistance in clients is often a sneak peek into their own harsh realities of the challenge they are trying to overcome.

There may be a real fear of being vulnerable to the consulting process, making a commitment, or even the fear of losing control. Resistance then is an open door to discovering critical aspects of what could be an underlying problem that should be addressed sooner rather than later. There may be a real fear of being vulnerable to the consulting process, making a commitment, or even the fear of losing control. Resistance then is an open door to discovering critical aspects of what could be an underlying problem that should be addressed sooner rather than later.

We use five skills to help navigate these murky waters.

1. Give two good-faith responses. In other words, give a “resisting” behavior a pass for the first two times. If you see your client take a quick look at their watch, don’t automatically read too much into it. If the behavior doesn’t continue, it wasn’t signaling resistance.

2. If the behavior does continue after at least two good-faith responses, name the behavior simply and directly. Here is where the difference between observation and evaluation becomes critical. Simply state the observed behavior and come to a full stop before moving to evaluation.

For instance, a client continues to look at their watch. A Flawless Consultant would say, “You keep looking at the clock.” If you say, “You look distracted,” you’ve moved pass observation, into evaluation and well into judgment which can quickly derail a conversation and make navigating the resistance even more difficult.

3. Once you’ve named the behavior, be quiet. Let the tension rise and allow the client to explain what the behavior means.

4. Give support to the underlying concerns by listening curiously, asking questions and seeking to understand.

5. Return to the business of the meeting or something new, depending on the underlying concerns. Let it go and move on.

Ultimately, resistance gets in the way of dealing with issues that affect the work. If we, as consultants, don’t manage the resistance, we may never really get to the deeper issues. We can help clients be more direct by showing them what they are doing by being clear and direct about our observations. It’s with this “look in the mirror” that we hope clients will say “why” they are doing it. No evaluation. No judgment. After all, it’s their “why” to tell.

Beverly Crowell is an experienced facilitator, speaker, thought leader, and author specializing in the areas of business operations, organization, employee and human resources development.